Heart of Discontent

"You shall not covet your neighbor's house.

You shall not covet your neighbor's wife,

or his male or female servant,

his ox or donkey,

or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Exodus 20:17

Luscious, crimson carpeting felt like cushions beneath my feet.  Beautiful paintings peered at me from the meticulously painted walls and books peeked out from the most unusual places, giving me a sense of wonder.  Great care had been taken to bring beauty into the living quarters through the clever placement of fresh flowers and curious trinkets.  Stepping into my friend's dwelling place was like walking into a model home straight out of Better Homes and Gardens.

It was easy for me to feel discontent after spending some time in this talented woman's home.  While I thought I was perfectly pleased with my own home, a check of my heart betrayed it's true state of discontent.

It's easy to look at what others have, whether it be relationships, positions, gifts and talents or material possessions, and want them for myself.  The fact of the matter is that God has given me many blessings but when I covet what another has been given, I betray a heart of discontent.

Focus on Self

As a child, the most uncomfortable part of the day was when I had to board the school bus that stopped by my house each morning.  Living in the country, the houses were few and far between so I usually got front-door service when it came to the bus.  While I waited at the end of the driveway each morning, however, my anxiety levels would rise as I thought of what was to come.   

Stepping onto the bus with all those eyes upon me made me feel vulnerable, as if I was standing on a stage in my underwear.  I never noticed any of the other students, instead walking blindly to an empty seat where I quickly sat down.  From that safe vantage point, I then surveyed my surroundings and looked to see where my friends might be sitting.

I have been plagued by insecurities my whole life.  The root of this problem, I have found, is a sense of self-centeredness.  I am so concentrated on me and my perceived flaws that I fail to look outside of myself.  Unfortunately, this fleshly-mindset also spills over to how I feel about all the good things God has freely and lovingly given to me.  When I am focused solely on myself and my desires, I develop a spirit of discontent.

Instead of being happy for the gift of homemaking my friend has been given, then, I long to have it for myself and labor to imitate her style.  Whereas I could find a reason to be thankful for the tight budget my family adheres to, knowing that God will use this time of struggle for our good, I instead look longingly toward those around me who are able to buy whatever they want.  While there is much good to be found in my present circumstances, my selfish heart seems to only notice the blessings in the lives of others.

Cooperating with God as He cultivates in me a selfless spirit will soon turn my covetous, selfish heart into one that is happy with the blessings He has given me. (Romans 12:2)

Focus off God

God had blessed the man with a shrewd sense of business.  As a result, he became quite successful, building a sizable fortune for himself.  While he did think about how he could give away some of what he earned, the greater his wealth became, the more he thought about himself.  Soon, he was investing large chunks and saving even more.  Before he knew it, the wealthy man focused mostly on his own retirement. (paraphrased from Luke 12:13-21)

Even though I've never acquired such wealth, it's easy to develop such a self-centered attitude.  While there is nothing wrong with planning for the future, God deemed this man's attitude foolish because he was storing up things for himself without being rich toward God.  (v 21)

I often have this same problem of distraction.  Sometimes it is my current occupation that steals my attention from the Lord.  Instead of soaking in His Word and cultivating a heart devoted to Him, I drift away as I desire more and more and, as a result, my career takes up a bigger chunk of my awareness.

Other times I simply get caught up in the day to day details of living and never give a thought to the One who knit me together so painstakingly, purposefully allowing situations into my life that will grow me, stretch me and mold me as He sees fit.  Instead of blooming where I am planted, then, I long for a life free from trouble.  (Psalm 139:13-14, Romans 8:28, Romans 5:3-5)

Then there are the times that relationships distract me from the Lord.  I get so caught up in nurturing a bond with someone I love, desiring it to grow deeper,  that I neglect my connection to the Lover of my soul. (Psalm 103)

When I go after things outside of God's will for me, I've removed my attention from God and the plan He has for my life.

Spirit of Thankfulness

It was a curious thing; no matter how lush and green the grass was in our pasture, our cows would always stick their heads through the barbed-wire fence in an effort to nibble on the enticing blades found in our neighbor's field.  I guess the saying really is true: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!

While I couldn't understand why our small herd could not be happy with the grass in our own field, a closer look at my own heart reveals a similar condition.  Spending too much time looking at what others have tends to develop a state of discontent.  Instead of cultivating a spirit of thankfulness for what I do possess, I end up seeing only what I don't have.

Even though my home is beautiful, spacious enough for my own family and filled with comfy furniture, for example, it's easy for me to desire a larger porch with grand archways like my friend has, or classy furniture like I see in the magazines.  

Whereas God has blessed me with a tight-knit family who works together as a team, we still have our moments of discord.  I often find myself paying more attention to the times of disharmony instead of looking for all the good that is right before my eyes.

Although I could thank God for the gift of writing, there are many times I desire to sing to the Lord a beautiful melody like the worship team does or know how to serve others like I see my friend do when she utilizes her gift of service.  Instead of thanking God for what He has given to me, it is like I am chastising Him for what He hasn't.

While it is pleasing to God when I develop an attitude of thankfulness, a covetous heart steals that spirit away.

God has blessed me in many ways.  When I focus too much on myself, allow distractions to remove my attention from God, and let my desire for more squelch my spirit of thankfulness, it is apparent that I have a problem with covetousness.  Instead of being happy with His blessings, then, I discover that I have developed a heart of discontent.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can take a sober look at the state of my heart.

When do I let the things I don't have distract me from all the good I have been given?

How does my desire for more take my attention away from God?