Detesting God's Provision

"Then the people of Israel set out from Mount Hor,

taking the road to the Red Sea 

to go around the land of Edom.

But the people grew impatient with the long journey,

and they began to speak against God and Moses.

'Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die here

in the wilderness?' they complained.

'There is nothing to eat here and nothing to drink.

And we hate this horrible manna!'"

Numbers 21:4-5 NLT

They slithered everywhere, covering the ground and threatening their very lives.  "What have we done to deserve this?"  the people cried out.  Mothers wept as they watched their children collapse, succumbing to the poison released into their system.  Men attempted to save their families, fighting off the treacherous snakes with whatever weapon they could find close at hand.  Many died that day.  The people suddenly realized the gravity of their sin as they grieved the loss of their loved ones at the hand of the Lord.  (Numbers 21:4-7)

I'm not so different from the Israelites, refusing to repent of my selfish, sinful attitudes until after God has brought out the big guns in an effort to snap me out of my self-seeking way of thinking.  While I may read this passage and think that God's punishment seems too severe, His actions reveal a heart issue common to mankind which is quite dangerous.  I must guard my heart from succumbing to the temptation to follow in the footsteps of the wandering Israelites.

Discontent

The orange tabby curls up in the square of midwinter sunlight cast upon the carpeting.  He wraps his tale around his body, tucking his white mitten-like feet under his chest.  As he soaks in the warmth, his eyes begin to droop.  Soon, he's fast asleep, the picture of contentment.

British veterinarian and writer James Herriot describes cats as "connoisseurs of comfort."  No matter their surroundings, cats have a way of finding the most comfortable spot and getting right to the job of fitting in a good nap.  While I would love to claim this same ability as my own, there are many situations in which I find myself when I feel anything but pleasure or gratification.  In fact, I could even call myself an expert complainer so easy is it for me to find displeasure in any and every circumstance.

When I focus only on what bothers me about the place where God has positioned me, I am forgetting that God is my Father and is in the business of providing me with everything that I need.  (Matthew 6:32-33)  My problem is that I don't always appreciate His perfect provision, instead wanting more than what He has graciously given to me.  Maybe it's time I redefine "need" and be more like the cat who looks for the good and delights in what he's been given.

When my heart is corrupted by a spirit of discontent, I am showing a disregard for all the good God has graciously given to me.

Hunger

Bruce Springsteen claimed, "Everybody's got a hungry heart," in his 1980 number one hit of the same name.  As a songwriter, he couldn't have been more truthful.  As a human, my sin-nature is never satisfied, always seeking more and more.  If I live according to my flesh, then, letting my desires and longings lead the way, I will always be hungry for more than what I have. (Romans 8:12-14, 1 Timothy 6:6-10) If I live in relationship with the Lord, however, letting His Spirit guide me, I will find that He and His Word are more than enough to satisfy.  (Psalm 34:8-10)

John warns me of the danger found in loving the world and all the pursuits found there.  Living just like those who do not know Jesus denies the power over sin that His blood provides.   John said the areas I need to guard myself against are my tendency to feed my own sensual cravings, my desire to possess everything I see, and my penchant for finding pride in what I accomplish and how I can provide for my own security.  (1 John 2:16)  These are the traps of the world.

Instead of going after what I think will satisfy, then, I am better off keeping my eyes trained on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith.  (Hebrews 12:2)  In order to run the race He has marked out just for me, though, I cannot afford to become distracted by what my flesh tells me I need.  Instead, I must consistently and purposefully strain toward Christ, seeking out the good He has prepared in advance for me to do.  (Ephesians 2:10)

This means that when I'm tempted to climb the ladder of success, thinking I will find fulfillment once I reach the pinnacle, I'll be wise to instead focus my efforts of drawing closer to the One who holds the blueprint of my life in His hands.  (Jeremiah 29:11-13)  Or, when I feel discontent with the mission of raising my children, thinking there must be more to life than wiping noses and tying shoes, I can find my sense of purpose in the kingdom's most powerful job of training up the next generation of God's people.  (Proverbs 22:6, Deuteronomy 6:6-7)  Or, when my eye wanders to all the stuff I don't have but think I need, I will instead pay attention to building up the eternal intangible treasures that are awaiting me in heaven. (Matthew 6:19-21)

When I find myself hungering after something besides God and His Word, I am revealing an eye that is wandering away from my first Love.

Anger

She couldn't bring herself to believe in a God who would allow such suffering in the world.  In her way of thinking, if God was truly a compassionate and loving God, He would end all pain and anguish.  As a result, my friend labeled herself as an atheist.

As much as I would love to be able to convince her otherwise, my friend's anger is deep-seated.  Even though she claims to not believe in God, she holds this rage in her heart against Him for all the injustice, misery and affliction found in this fallen world.  While I cannot completely understand her way of thinking, I do sometimes feel ticked off when things don't go as I think they should.

When I see my friend suffering in the wake of marital infidelity, divorce and the death of her father, I wonder how one person can withstand so much pain, especially at the same time.  It's easy for me then to question God, wondering why He would allow such an onslaught of trouble.

Other times, I worry over the difficulties in my own life, wondering when God will bring relief from this time of trial.  It can be hard to trust God when I see how many hard times He allows into my life.

When I get angry at God, essentially blaming Him for the misery I feel in my heart, I am forgetting that His ways are not the same as mine. (Isaiah 55:8-9) While I tend to favor ease and comfort, He has my character and faith in mind.  The best way to build such traits is through trial, testing and hard times.  If everything always went the way I wanted it to go, would I ever sense my need for God?

  

Therefore, when I am tempted to focus my anger and disappointment at God for all the struggles going on around me, I can remember that He uses everything for my own good, weaving the strife of life into a beautiful tapestry.  (Romans 8:28)  The resulting work of art far exceeds anything I could attempt to create using my own methods and understanding.

When I feel angry at the Lord for all the difficulties, I am betraying my lack of faith in the Master Potter.

It is easy to see the error of the Israelite's ways.  Their whining, complaining ways seem so ignorant of all the good God has done for them.  If I'm honest with myself, though, I find the same selfish heart beating within my own chest.  Therefore, I would be wise to watch out for the discontent, hunger and anger that easily build up in my own life, replacing them with a faith in the God who gives me exactly what I need, is all that is necessary to truly satisfy, and will always use the hard times to grow my faith.  In these ways, I will avoid detesting God's provision.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can stay content with what God has graciously given to me.

When does my eye wander to what I don't possess?

How often am I more concerned about what I don't have than with what I do?  

Heart of Discontent

"You shall not covet your neighbor's house.

You shall not covet your neighbor's wife,

or his male or female servant,

his ox or donkey,

or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Exodus 20:17

Luscious, crimson carpeting felt like cushions beneath my feet.  Beautiful paintings peered at me from the meticulously painted walls and books peeked out from the most unusual places, giving me a sense of wonder.  Great care had been taken to bring beauty into the living quarters through the clever placement of fresh flowers and curious trinkets.  Stepping into my friend's dwelling place was like walking into a model home straight out of Better Homes and Gardens.

It was easy for me to feel discontent after spending some time in this talented woman's home.  While I thought I was perfectly pleased with my own home, a check of my heart betrayed it's true state of discontent.

It's easy to look at what others have, whether it be relationships, positions, gifts and talents or material possessions, and want them for myself.  The fact of the matter is that God has given me many blessings but when I covet what another has been given, I betray a heart of discontent.

Focus on Self

As a child, the most uncomfortable part of the day was when I had to board the school bus that stopped by my house each morning.  Living in the country, the houses were few and far between so I usually got front-door service when it came to the bus.  While I waited at the end of the driveway each morning, however, my anxiety levels would rise as I thought of what was to come.   

Stepping onto the bus with all those eyes upon me made me feel vulnerable, as if I was standing on a stage in my underwear.  I never noticed any of the other students, instead walking blindly to an empty seat where I quickly sat down.  From that safe vantage point, I then surveyed my surroundings and looked to see where my friends might be sitting.

I have been plagued by insecurities my whole life.  The root of this problem, I have found, is a sense of self-centeredness.  I am so concentrated on me and my perceived flaws that I fail to look outside of myself.  Unfortunately, this fleshly-mindset also spills over to how I feel about all the good things God has freely and lovingly given to me.  When I am focused solely on myself and my desires, I develop a spirit of discontent.

Instead of being happy for the gift of homemaking my friend has been given, then, I long to have it for myself and labor to imitate her style.  Whereas I could find a reason to be thankful for the tight budget my family adheres to, knowing that God will use this time of struggle for our good, I instead look longingly toward those around me who are able to buy whatever they want.  While there is much good to be found in my present circumstances, my selfish heart seems to only notice the blessings in the lives of others.

Cooperating with God as He cultivates in me a selfless spirit will soon turn my covetous, selfish heart into one that is happy with the blessings He has given me. (Romans 12:2)

Focus off God

God had blessed the man with a shrewd sense of business.  As a result, he became quite successful, building a sizable fortune for himself.  While he did think about how he could give away some of what he earned, the greater his wealth became, the more he thought about himself.  Soon, he was investing large chunks and saving even more.  Before he knew it, the wealthy man focused mostly on his own retirement. (paraphrased from Luke 12:13-21)

Even though I've never acquired such wealth, it's easy to develop such a self-centered attitude.  While there is nothing wrong with planning for the future, God deemed this man's attitude foolish because he was storing up things for himself without being rich toward God.  (v 21)

I often have this same problem of distraction.  Sometimes it is my current occupation that steals my attention from the Lord.  Instead of soaking in His Word and cultivating a heart devoted to Him, I drift away as I desire more and more and, as a result, my career takes up a bigger chunk of my awareness.

Other times I simply get caught up in the day to day details of living and never give a thought to the One who knit me together so painstakingly, purposefully allowing situations into my life that will grow me, stretch me and mold me as He sees fit.  Instead of blooming where I am planted, then, I long for a life free from trouble.  (Psalm 139:13-14, Romans 8:28, Romans 5:3-5)

Then there are the times that relationships distract me from the Lord.  I get so caught up in nurturing a bond with someone I love, desiring it to grow deeper,  that I neglect my connection to the Lover of my soul. (Psalm 103)

When I go after things outside of God's will for me, I've removed my attention from God and the plan He has for my life.

Spirit of Thankfulness

It was a curious thing; no matter how lush and green the grass was in our pasture, our cows would always stick their heads through the barbed-wire fence in an effort to nibble on the enticing blades found in our neighbor's field.  I guess the saying really is true: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!

While I couldn't understand why our small herd could not be happy with the grass in our own field, a closer look at my own heart reveals a similar condition.  Spending too much time looking at what others have tends to develop a state of discontent.  Instead of cultivating a spirit of thankfulness for what I do possess, I end up seeing only what I don't have.

Even though my home is beautiful, spacious enough for my own family and filled with comfy furniture, for example, it's easy for me to desire a larger porch with grand archways like my friend has, or classy furniture like I see in the magazines.  

Whereas God has blessed me with a tight-knit family who works together as a team, we still have our moments of discord.  I often find myself paying more attention to the times of disharmony instead of looking for all the good that is right before my eyes.

Although I could thank God for the gift of writing, there are many times I desire to sing to the Lord a beautiful melody like the worship team does or know how to serve others like I see my friend do when she utilizes her gift of service.  Instead of thanking God for what He has given to me, it is like I am chastising Him for what He hasn't.

While it is pleasing to God when I develop an attitude of thankfulness, a covetous heart steals that spirit away.

God has blessed me in many ways.  When I focus too much on myself, allow distractions to remove my attention from God, and let my desire for more squelch my spirit of thankfulness, it is apparent that I have a problem with covetousness.  Instead of being happy with His blessings, then, I discover that I have developed a heart of discontent.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can take a sober look at the state of my heart.

When do I let the things I don't have distract me from all the good I have been given?

How does my desire for more take my attention away from God?