Tone

"A gentle answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Proverbs 15:1

"Watch your tone, young lady!"  I've been on both the receiving and delivery ends of this reprimand.  Most have probably been scolded for the snide, sarcastic or irritable attitude behind the words spoken.  While the message I say might be spot on, the way I say it makes a difference in how its received.  Therefore, it's important to consider a few things as I interact with others, especially when conflict arises.

Delivery.  Living in a society where independence, autonomy and individual rights are valued, its easy for me to give in to my flesh which tells me life is all about me.  When I buy into such a viewpoint, I forget that the manner in which I speak evokes a response in those receiving my message.  

Since I'm clueless to the fact that I'm not living in a vacuum but in community, I let my own bitterness from past hurts, irritation when facing my pet peeves, and pride that's cultivated from thinking I'm 100% right flavor my words. Either I don't care that it might tick someone off or I'm oblivious to the fact that my attitude brings up an emotional response.  When in such a self-centered state, it doesn't matter to me how my message will be received.  Instead, I'm only concerned with getting a chance to deliver the words that I think are so important to say.  I rarely would see that the uproar that follows was instigated by my delivery.

When I look outside of myself, realizing my words will impact those around me, I'll be more sensitive to how they receive my message, understanding how important it is to build others up in not just what I say, but how I say it.  I'll have to let go of the pain from past hurts if I want to speak compassionately and tenderly in order to melt the heart hardened by their own past hurts.  I'll need to be flexible enough to empathize with others if I want to speak with the respect that is necessary to get past a barrier of self-righteousness.  It'll be necessary to drop my tendency to feel sorry for myself if I want to speak with the authority of one who knows the Truth that can set the captive free (Isaiah 61:1). 

How I say things is as important as what I say because words evoke an emotional response.

Heart Indicator.  My family and I live on 80 acres of land.  Our house is surrounded by waving grasses filled with an abundance of birds, mice, rabbits, weasels and the like.  As vibrant as this place is, there are two apple trees located near the barn that are infested with tent caterpillars and look to be near death.  When spring came this year, the trees and bushes around it burst forth with blooms, but these two were too sick to produce any apple-promising blossoms.  Such an unhealthy tree cannot be expected to produce good fruit.

It's the same with my words.  The way I speak tends to reflect what is going on in my heart.  As Jesus said, ". . . out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."  (Luke 6:45,Matthew 12:34b)  I would be wise, then, to pay attention to my tone and tenor because it is a good indicator of my spiritual and emotional health.  If I'm constantly nasty, there is something harmful in my heart that needs to be exposed to the Light.  Once it's in the hands of Jesus, He will bring about the healing necessary to restore good health to my soul.  Then my words will be sweet and well-received.

The way I say things indicates the state of my heart.

Consideration.  I spend a lot of time crafting the message, figuring out what words to use, deciding on an impactful argument, but I rarely consider the feelings of the recipient.  If I were to pay attention to others' feelings and taking them into account, my speech would change drastically.  Thoughtfulness and sensitivity toward others is an important part of communication and attention to other's needs will change the way I talk.

When I take the time to carefully consider how my words will impact those I'm planning to speak to, I'll find a concern for their plight growing in my heart.  When I'm only focused on what I want to say without regard to the kind of power I'm wielding in my tongue, I'll become cold and callous, not caring how my words may hurt or damage (James 3:5-6).

How I say things reflects the amount of consideration I have for others.

What mothers everywhere say to their sassy children is true.  The delivery of the spoken word evokes an emotional response, is an indicator of the state of my heart, and shows whether or not I have considered its impact on others.  Since they way I speak is so important, I'd better speak less and listen more.  And when I do open my mouth, I'd be wise to "watch my tone!"

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I will take the time to watch my tone when speaking.

How have I let past hurts color my speech with bitterness?

When do I become cold and callous when talking to certain people?