Seeking Love

"Whoever covers an offense seeks love,

but he who repeats a matter separates close friends."

Proverbs 17:9 ESV

Sin.  It ruined the world God created.  It destroys marriages, estranges mothers from daughters, fathers and sons, friends from friends.  It tears apart those who intended to stay together.  Living in a dark world in a body made of flesh, I've learned many destructive ways to cope, harmful methods of handling conflict, selfish approaches to living.  All of these damaging patterns are not what God intends for me.  They are sinful.  And they cause a rift between myself and those I love.

So how to deal with such sin?  It's an important issue since we're all sinners, either saved by the blood of Jesus or not.  Let's take a look at God's Word to find the answers we need.

Cover.  To forgive literally means "to cover."  When Jesus died the death meant for me, His blood atoned from my sins.  In other words, when God looks at me He no longer sees my sin but only the blood of Jesus cleansing me of all unrighteousness, covering over where I have fallen short.  Therefore, my Father is no longer offended by how I have transgressed His holy standard but is pleased by what His Son as done to make amends for such affronts.  My sin is covered and I go forward in forgiveness by faith in Jesus.

Now that I've been forgiven in such a way, walking in said forgiveness, I can pass this gift on to those I love (Ephesians 4:32, 1 Peter 4:8).  Instead of pointing out how they offended me, I can extend the blood of Jesus on to them, allowing His sacrifice to cover their sin so it no longer comes between us.  While it's easy to hold on to the way they hurt me, I can instead choose to let it go and refuse to hold their sin against them, not matter how hurtful.  I'm empowered to do this by the forgiveness Jesus delivered to me.  I could make my loved one pay for how they damaged my psyche with their offenses, or I could wipe their slate clean, offering to start anew because of what Jesus accomplished when He gave His life on the cross.

When sin threatens to destroy relationships, I can cover over these offenses with the blood of Jesus, rendering such transgressions as powerless to inflict further damage.

Offense.  It's easy for me to be offended by how others behave, especially when it comes to those I love.  They get under my skin, irritating me with their unwillingness to change, their annoying habits and difficult ways.  I build up a wall to protect myself from their destructiveness and I begin to think of myself as a little bit better than they.  After all, I think, at least I don't struggle with that, as I consider how foolish are their ways.

Unfortunately for me, I've forgotten just how sinful I am.  I've failed to recognize that I'm right there with them, wallowing in the muck of humanity, struggling with the same kind of sins.  I have put on blinders to how we share similar issues and instead mistakenly think I don't face such lowly tendencies.  I've fooled myself into thinking I'm above the sin when really I'm only forgiven from it and without the grace of God extended to me by faith in Jesus, I'm hopelessly broken and as bad off as the worst of the worst.  This humbling truth changes my perspective as I come down off of my high horse, allowing me to live in peaceful fellowship with those I love (1 John 1:7-9).

When sin threatens to destroy relationships, I must remember our commonality; that apart from Jesus we are all hopelessly broken and sinful people.

Gossip.  I have to admit, I gain a bit of satisfaction from talking about the way others have hurt me.  When I'm in pain, it seems the hurt subsides a bit when I can share how I've been slighted and get my frustrations off my chest.  Unfortunately, all I tend to do when in this selfish mindset is to spread gossip that works to drive a wedge between myself and the one I love who has offended me.

Gossip can come in many forms.  Sometimes its cloaked as a prayer request as in when I share how others can pray for my loved one who has sunk to such depths as to hurt me so.  I give too many details and speak with the intention of casting blame or pointing fingers, not desiring true healing.  Other times, I spread the news of how another has offended me, seeking to find support for my innocence instead of desiring the true reconciliation that would come with repentance and confession.  Then there are times when I take in the news shared by friends, turning the opportunity into an impromptu counseling session when I give all sorts of advice as to how they can fix their problem, stopping short of suggesting actually forgiveness.  Talking about the hurt that occurs in all relationships does nothing to solve the problem unless forgiveness is at its core.  

When sin threatens to destroy relationships, I must refrain from the temptation to gossip, keeping reconciliation through forgiveness as my constant goal.

Sin causes rifts in most loving relationships.  When it does raise it's ugly head I can wallow in the pain it causes, or I can choose the healing route.  When I stick to the path that leads to life, I'll seek to forgive, remember that I'm no better and often share similar struggles, and work toward reconciliation by avoiding gossip.  In these ways I'll be seeking love.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can trust God enough to stop holding on to hurts and instead extend forgiveness.

When do I gossip without even realizing it?

How am I part of the problem instead of part of the solution?