Debate

"Fools find no pleasure in understanding

but delight in airing their own opinions."

Proverbs 18:2

It happens daily in the blog-o-sphere, on news talk shows, in the political arena:  debate, expressing of opinions with minds closed and no desire to understand.  Instead, there is only an effort to win, to prevail, to succeed in debunking the opponent's argument.  This is the fool's way.

Seek to Understand.  The sign fashioned out of colorful cardstock was posted as a reminder in our kitchen for years.  "Seek to Understand."  In an effort to encourage more listening in our family, I posted this call to pay more attention to the receiving side of communication rather than to the speaking part.  Our family had reached a point where we were all so intent on being heard that no one was listening.  You can imagine the resulting discord.

Good communication requires listening.  After all, if there is no one willing to take in what is being said there is no point in saying it.  When I only spend my time trying to get my point across and little if any time in trying to get what others are saying, there is a breakdown in communication.  Many times I may fear the opposite point of view, thinking that if I listen, really listen to what others are saying, there is a danger that I could fall away from what I believe to be true, or that others within earshot could be swayed by the wrong side.  So I try to shut them down.  In reality, only the truth stands in the light of scrutiny.  Everything else will be exposed for what it is (Ephesians 5:13).

Listening, however, will reveal the deep things within the heart, the hurt that lies underneath the anger, the pain that moves people to adopt destructive and harmful viewpoints.  If I never take the time to hear others, I'll never know what drove them toward such damaging beliefs.  And one who has been heard is more likely to listen.  

When I seek to understand, I open up lines of communication that will result in a spirit of empathy and compassion that lead to mutual respect.

Change Viewpoint.  I was used to seeing my neighborhood from my own home.  The sun would rise from behind the stand of trees in the far corner of my neighbor's backyard and set behind the house across the street.  I could watch the kids walk home from school only when they passed in front of our cul-de-sac.  The sound of cars often reached my ears, but I couldn't see much traffic from my vantage point.  

When I visit my neighbor's house, however, there is a much different viewpoint.  The sun is better visible as it rises, giving her a wonderful view of the sunrise from her bedroom window.  She can also see the cars as they drive from the entrance of the neighborhood until they turn the corner or reach their destination. From her perspective, every afternoon is like a parade of kids as students of all ages make their way home after a hard day of learning.  My location is private and more secluded, while hers is ideal for people watching.

If I only stick to my only narrow point of view, I'll never be able to understand why others think the way they think.  In the same way that I couldn't understand why my friend knew which car each neighbor drove or which kids lagged and who was eager to get home until I sat on her porch for awhile, I can't understand where someone is coming from until I venture out from my own point of view. When I try to see things from their perspective, figuratively putting myself in their position, I may have a better chance at getting why they hold their own peculiar point of view.  

When I change my viewpoint, seeking to see things from my opponent's perspective, I'll gain a better understanding into what drove them to adhere to such beliefs.

Humility.  Anyone who has spent time with toddlers understands what I mean when I say, "the world doesn't revolve around you."  Youngsters naturally have the idea that they are the center of the universe and that everyone exists to cater to their needs, to adapt to their agenda and to make their dreams a reality.  Good parenting works to bring this selfish point of view into a more realistic way of seeing how the child truly fits into the scheme of things.

Sometimes, however, I tend to slip back into this immature mindset, thinking my way is the best way, or that what I have to say is most important, or that since I think I understand a certain truth, it is my duty to teach it.  Instead, I can realize that there is always room for growth and there is always something I can learn.  When I do, I'll be able to better listen as I drop my preconceptions and truly hear what is being said (Proverbs 18:13).  Otherwise, I spend most of my time preparing my next argument.

When I humble myself, I can better hear what my opponent is trying to say.

I often think debate is mostly about expertly and effectively getting my own point across.  This mindset, however, does not lead to effective communication and is called the fool's way by godly men.  Therefore, I'd walk in wisdom if I sought to understand my opponents, changed my viewpoint, and humbled myself.  In these ways, I'll enter into debate that brings light to the Truth.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can trust God enough to preserve my faith so I can stop trying to defend it.

When do I spend so much time trying to prove my point that I never see the hurt that lies beneath my opponent's argument?

How do I have blinders on when it comes to looking from another point of view?