"Daughters of Jerusalem,
I charge you by the gazelles
and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires."
Song of Solomon 3:5
Women have long been preoccupied with love. Many, at least until the modern age of feminism, tend to long for the man of their dreams, fantasizing about getting married and living the fairy tale life. Even if a career is more important to them, there is that desire in most of us to find that special someone with whom we can spend our lives; life is meant to be shared, right?
But what if it doesn't happen right away? What if she doesn't find the right person according to the timetable the culture has created? Is she wasting time? I'd like to speak a word of encouragement to those disheartened by the wait, and give you, dear readers, a thought with which to encourage a woman in your circle who is waiting for her husband.
Invest. Time is a precious commodity. Unfortunately, in today's culture it's easy to waste this limited resource on superficial and meaningless things. Checking social media. Watching mindless entertainment. Pursuing careers that promise deep purpose but fall short. Cultivating a busy social calendar. And so on, and so on.
Instead of biding time until the right man comes along, why not invest in godly pursuits? There is so much to learn about God and His ways, you could study a lifetime and barely scratch the surface. Time invested in knowing Him is never time wasted. The bonus is that while you grow in your bond with God, He reveals things about yourself that will benefit you in the years to come, especially when you get married. As He works on your heart, you also practice submitting to God, letting Him lead you and learning to trust Him (James 4:7). As you do so, you are unintentionally preparing yourself to submit to your future husband; not an easy task to accomplish for a modern woman steeped in women's rights. You've been trained to stand up for yourself and to live independently, so this is the time to learn how to trust those in authority over you enough to let them lead. And God is the safest One with which to hone your willingness to yield.
The time spent waiting for your future husband is the best time to invest in godly pursuits and practices.
Prepare. If my heart is set on something, it's easy for me to spend every spare moment thinking about that desire. Before long, I find I'm unknowingly obsessed with whatever it is I crave. I remember going through a time when my husband and I paid off all our debt. He was serving overseas as a career soldier and we applied the extra pay earned for serving in a combat zone to our credit cards. I spent much time calculating how much we'd have to pay in order to close out each account before he returned. It became a kind of game to me and I'd daydream about how we'd use our income once we no longer had the burden of credit card payments.
It can be the same with anything, but it seems to be very easy for a woman to pine away for her future husband, fantasizing about how you'll meet, what he'll be like, what it'll be like to be married. Instead of wasting too much time with such activities, why not use valuable brain power to grow in your faith? A lady-who-is-waiting can also spend time learning how to be a wife, observing wives in her life who are part of a godly marriage and discovering what the Bible has to say about living in relationship with her husband. There is much preparation that can be done instead of simply longing for what is not yet yours.
The time spent waiting for your future husband is a great time to prepare for what is to come, proving to God that you trust in His timely provision.
Trust. When I'm desperate, it's easy to take matters into my own hands, wondering if God has forgotten about my dreams, thinking He might have fallen asleep on the job. The same thing can happen for you as you wait for your husband. Instead of pursuing the man of your dreams, though, I'd like to exhort you to wait on God's best for you. Let Him bring the right man into your life at just the right time, because then you know it'll work out according to His plan. If you try to force it to happen before it's time, you'll miss out on the blessing of being inside of His will.
It's important to realize that only God knows what is best for you. Only He sees the big picture, comprehending all the preparation that must take place, the skills that need to be learned, the state of the heart that could hamper such intimacy. Until everything is exactly as He desires it to be, the plan will not be fulfilled. As Solomon so eloquently said, "(God) makes everything beautiful in its time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). And this is true for marriage as well. It will come about at just the right time, when you're ready for love. Until then, its risky to try to force its arrival.
The timetable for meeting your future husband is best left in the hands of your Father who has your best interest at heart (Romans 8:28).
For women of all ages who desire to be married, waiting can be difficult. This time of expectation, however, can be a great time to learn the secret Paul discovered for being content in every situation, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13). He will empower you to wait with grace, possessing a satisfied heart.
And so I exhort you, women who wait, to invest this time in godly pursuits and relationships, to prepare for what is to come as an act of faith that God will come through, and to entrust the job of finding the man for you to the One who holds the blueprint for your life (Jeremiah 29:11). When you do so, sweet woman of God, you will find peace that flows like a deep, slow river flooding your heart and soul. Use this time wisely!
As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can learn to trust God with the timetable He has for my life.
When do I get frustrated because my life is not going according to my plan?
How am I failing to trust God to order my footsteps, instead trying to force my own design?
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