A Cord of Three Strands

Two are better than one,
   because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
   one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
   and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
   But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
   two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

I like to think of myself as pretty self-sufficient, independent and capable.  I don't often need help but when I do, I feel uncomfortable in putting anyone out.  I make it as easy as possible for someone to help me, first doing as much as I can by myself.

I was thinking about this recently when I was replacing the leaf in our dining room table.  I tried to do it by myself, mostly because I was too impatient to wait for one of my family members to help me.  I stood at the end of the table, attempting to pull it apart, but all that I accomplished was to slide the entire table toward me.  I could not do the job by myself.

Life is like replacing the leaf in my table: it is impossible to accomplish alone.  We are designed for community.  Look at the very beginning for evidence.  When God was busy creating all things, there was a definite pattern.  God created, then He look upon His handiwork and declared it good. 

The first time He pronounced something as "not good" was when He looked upon His first image bearer.  "The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone."  (Genesis 2:18)  God then created a helper suitable for Adam and so established the institution of marriage. 

But there's more to it than that.  Just as God the Father exists in relationship with His Son and Spirit, so we are designed to live in relationship with others.  We are not constructed to exist as lone rangers.

So what's the problem?  Why do I find it so hard to call on the help of others?

Pride

Proverbs 16:18 reminds me of the danger of trying to do things by myself.  "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

It reminds me of the time God placed me in a situation where I needed help.  The doctor had just informed me that the triplet babies I carried in my over-burdened womb were in danger of starting the birthing process, resulting in a premature birth at 22 weeks of gestation.  His strict orders included bed rest and no straining whatsoever.  As the mother of an energetic 20-month old girl, this was impossible to accomplish without help.  If I tried to do this by myself, I would have jeopardized the lives of these precious three babies.

Friends, neighbors and family members pitched in to help me follow the doctor's instructions.  Unfortunately, 2 weeks later, my cervix had slightly dilated and my medical team found it necessary to admit me into the hospital.  My husband and I then needed help in caring for our daughter and the body of Christ came through in meeting that need.  It was impossible for us to get through that time alone and many who helped expressed the joy they experienced as they filled our needs.

Receiving help is admittedly more difficult than giving it.  But in humbling myself enough to allow someone to help me gives them a chance to receive the blessing of giving.  The Apostle Paul reminds me that,  ". . . the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”  (Acts 20:35b) 

Without a recipient, no one would ever be able to experience the blessing of giving!

Fear

I fear many things in this life despite the fact that God is in control and He has promised to take care of me.  As a fallen creature, I have a hard time fully grasping that concept and, consequently, I suffer from many fears.

One of the most prevalent is the fear of judgment from others.  I have been hesitant to let others into my life for fear that once they see the real me, they will not like what they see and will reject me.  I can't pretend to be who I think I should be in order to keep up false pretenses that are designed to hide my flaws.  This is exhausting and counterproductive.

Accepting help from others comes with a risk.  It is very likely that I will be judged by others.  But I must remember that, as a fellow fallen sinner, my brothers and sisters in Christ are also on a journey:  A quest of training in godliness, of swimming upstream toward our Savior Jesus Christ whose character for which we strive.   None of us are perfect, and just as God's grace is sufficient for me to survive any situation, I must extend that grace to others by giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Receiving help means I must not expect perfection, but accept the giver as he or she is. 

Pain

I've been let down many times in my life.  Either those I thought cared about me didn't bother to rush to my side in a time of need, or the body of Christ failed to support me in the way I thought they should.  Either way, it is hard to not take these let-downs personally.

Holding onto the hurt of past disappointments can lead to the hesitancy to ask for help again.  If no one came through last time, what makes me think this time will be different?

Romans 12:4-5 reveals that, ". . . . just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others."

My body has many parts, and sometimes one of my parts lets me down.  I have been suffering from knee pain lately, and it affects the way I do everything throughout my day.  It is frustrating.

In order for my knee to heal, though, I need to give it proper attention.  I have found that I can't simply ignore it, hoping that the pain will go away.  Instead, I need to perform special stretches and exercises.  Simply overlooking my knee does not stimulate healing, but actually prolongs the injury.  Healing can only come by doing the prescribed treatment.

Likewise, members of the body of Christ are many times broken and incomplete, needing special attention and training.

Looking past my pain and asking for help from others gives these "Body parts" the practice needed in order to  stimulate growth in their role as a member of the body of Christ.

The willingness to receive help from an imperfect brother or sister plays a role in the growing process for other believers.

Receiving help is difficult and there are many obstacles that block my ability to ask for assistance.  My pride, fears and pain of past hurts can get in the way.  But as an image bearer who was created for community, God is best glorified when I set aside these barriers, and allow the body of Christ to function as He created it to serve.  

We are stronger together.

As I begin this day, it is my prayer that I can focus more on the best interest of others instead of on my own fears.

How do I rob others of the joy of giving?

When do I act as a lone ranger instead of including others in my life?