Better Left Unsaid

"This time he told the dream to his father

as well as to his brothers,

but his father scolded him.

'What kind of dream is that?' he asked.

'Will your mother and I and your brothers

actually come and bow to the ground before you?'

But while his brothers were jealous of Joseph,

his father wondered what the dreams meant."

Genesis 37:10-11

The dream filled the boy with a feeling of self-worth and purpose.  If God has placed me in such a high position, I'd better let everyone know so we can all be on the same page!  And so he shared the details of the dream with his family, telling them how their bundles of grain bowed before his, and how the sun, the moon and eleven stars did the same. (Genesis 37:5-9)

Joseph might have thought his family would be happy to hear this prophetic dream, but he miscalculated their reaction.  As was to be expected, his brothers only hated him all the more and even his father was perplexed by this dream.  Jacob must have asked himself, who does this boy think he is?

I can find an important lesson in studying how Joseph handled this powerful vision.  There are times when I am tempted to tell everything I know, inciting others to hatred, jealousy or anger.  While some things need to be told, others are better left unsaid. Therefore before I speak, it is important that I take a sober look at my motivation for saying the words I'm thinking.

Prideful

His eyes took in the magnificence of his beloved Babylon.  "By my own mighty power, I have built this beautiful city as my royal residence to display my majestic splendor." (Daniel 4:30)  Soon, this man found himself grazing the fields like an animal, taking seven years for God to humble the great and mighty king Nebuchadnezzar.

When this prideful king uttered those condemning words that fateful day, his purpose was to elevate himself and bring glory to his own name.  While I personally don't know anyone who is so full of himself, I can think of times when I say things only to improve my image before others, or to boost my own self-confidence, or to draw attention to my good qualities.

As a human with a sinful nature, I am naturally the center of my own universe.  As I come closer to the Lord, however, He is constantly wearing away those old selfish ways so I can let Christ be the focal point of every part of my life.  Carefully considering my speech before a word leaves my mouth is one way to honor Him as Lord.

If I'm thinking of a way to elevate myself, these are words that are better left unsaid.

Personal

Mary and Joseph watched in wonder as a steady stream of shepherds, grimy from their work in the fields, streamed into their tiny temporary home.  The men chattered about the wondrous angelic choir which had announced the birth of the tiny Savior minutes before, but fell silent as they stood before the babe in the manger, worshiping Him in humble awe.  As Mary gazed upon the scene, she held it all in her heart, marveling at the wonder of it all. (Luke 2:19)

Some messages are meant just for me.  In the same way that Mary treasured all the things she had heard and seen and pondered them in her heart, I would be wise to consider whether a message, experience or happening is meant to be shared.  

Perhaps God is using His Word to convict me of a certain area of sin.  Instead of keeping it to myself, though, I might feel tempted to challenge others with the same conviction.  Other times I may be inspired by the realization of a personal triumph of faith.  In the place of using the victory to spur me on, however, I may want to hold it up as some kind of standard for others to reach. Then there are times when a friend reveals a private struggle, seeking prayer and counsel from me.  While I may think her story is a good example of God's grace working in a redeemed life, betraying her confidence might damage the trust we have built.

If I receive a personal message that is meant only for my ears, these words are better left unsaid.

Manipulative

"I was deeply moved by your latest movie: You are a gifted actor.  I've seen every one of your films but I think this is the best one yet!"  It's easy to gush over celebrities or other people who are in a position of influence.  While I might mean the words I say, I must be careful that I'm not trying to flatter in order to gain their trust, perhaps winning the opportunity to benefit from their position of influence.

There are not too many opportunities in my life when I will run into a powerful person who could be used in a way that benefits me.  There are, however, many times when I am tempted to use my words to get what I want. 

If I overspent at the grocery store, I may think it necessary to fix a nice dinner for my husband and compliment him on his hard work on the job before I break the news to him.  Is my heart truly meaning what I say or am I just trying to use my words to butter up my beloved so he will more easily take the disappointment?

Or perhaps I mine for compliments from friends, using my words in a way that coerces them into building me up.  Other times I might simply lay on a guilt trip, bringing up past hurts as a way to lead my family into feeling shame.

If I am using my words as a weapon to achieve a goal that will benefit me, these are things that are better left unsaid.

In the same way that Joseph sharing his dream brought trouble upon himself, so my words can heap a world of hurt upon my shoulders.  Consequently, I would be wise to use the guidance of God's Spirit to choose them wisely.  If the message I'm about to deliver is for the purpose of building me up, is personal in nature, or is meant to manipulate others, these are words that are better left unsaid.  If I stay sensitive to the gentle quiet voice that discerns my own sinful motivations from His, my words will more often bring glory to God.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can trust God to be a filter for my mouth.

When do I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind?

How am I using my words to get what I want instead of to build others up, bringing glory to God?