My Wayward Heart

"Even now," declares the LORD,

"return to me with your heart,

with fasting and weeping and mourning.

Rend your heart and not your garments.

Return to the LORD your God,

for he is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and abounding in love,

and he relents from sending calamity.

Be not afraid, O land;

be glad and rejoice.

Surely the LORD has done great things."

Joel 2:12,13,21

I go to church every Sunday.

I consistently and faithfully study the Bible.

I pray on a regular basis.

I remember to thank God for my food before I eat.

I do my best to put His Word into practice in my daily life.

Wow!  I sound like a pretty solid Christian, don't I?  The only problem is that there are many times when my heart has wandered away from the LORD.  

I may still take part in all the rituals, habits and practices that are necessary to develop a close walk with Him, but my heart is not in it.  I'm going through the motions, possibly even getting some intellectual stimulation and motivation to live a more godly life, but when it comes right down to it, I'm more concerned about my character, my holiness and my godliness than I am about glorifying God.  My motivation is purely selfish with little regard for Him, His will, His Name or His renown.

I have strayed from my One True Love. . . but all is not lost.  There is still time to return.

Return

The prodigal son desired things beyond what his father had provided.  He wanted to explore the world and experience all it had to offer.  Soon, though, as he lived it up in that distant land, he fell into hard times.  Once rich, he now yearned for the food he gave to the pigs.  He had hit rock-bottom.  

Finally, he came to his senses and realized how good he once had it in his father's house.  He decided to return, saying to his dad, "I have sinned against heaven and against you.  I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men." (Luke 15:18-19)

My heart sometimes leads me to faraway lands, distant from God and His people.  My desire for comfort and excitement overpowers me and I am swept away from all the good He has given to me.  I no longer appreciate what He has provided for me and I want more. . . and more . . . and more.   My state of discontent gets me into trouble.  

As with the son in the parable, I have to reach a point where I come to my senses.  Maybe it's when I realize I just can't do it by myself anymore.  Or it hits me that despite all the effort I put into life, I never really feel fulfilled; there's always a hole inside of me.  Or I think back to how good I had it when I lived in my Father's kingdom.  Whatever it is, I become conscious of my need for Jesus.

When this awareness is awakened inside of me, I am suddenly alert to how I have offended God in my rebellion.  I want to return to Him.

Even though I have been unfaithful, my heart can return to God.

Rend

It is said that in order to train a horse, their will, but not their spirit, must be broken.  In other words, the animal must reach a point where he is willing to obey the handler's commands. For some, this is a fairly quick process. For others, however, it could take a lot of patience and persistence until the horse is ready to submit to his trainer.  Until that "breaking point" is reached, a handler can expect a battle of the wills.

In a similar way, the LORD says He is, "close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)  This is not to say that I am damaged goods, but that my heart hurts over the way my sin has grieved God.  A tender heart is sensitive to the sin found within and painfully aware of the need for Jesus to save me from the punishment I deserve.  A contrite heart is ready to submit to God.

As I humble myself before God, trusting Him to do what I cannot, He shows me things I almost cannot bear.  I think Oswald Chambers said it well when he wrote, "God's Spirit continually reveals what human nature is like apart from His grace."  Apart from Him, I can do nothing.  If this thought does not lead me to broken heart, I don't know what will.  There is nothing good within my own flesh.  I am hopeless without Jesus!

Martin Luther understood the importance of rending, or breaking, my heart before a holy God.  He said, "Until a man is nothing, God can make nothing out of him."   Trusting God with my life means letting Him start from scratch in remaking me into the woman He created me to be.  

When I return to God, it should be with a broken and contrite heart.

Rejoice

It is fun to look through old photo albums, reminiscing about old times.  One of the things I have noticed, however, is that many times my memory does not match up to reality.  For instance, I always felt like I was pretty big and overweight, but when I look at pictures, I don't seem as hefty as my memories led me to believe.  Sometimes, my perspective is skewed, causing me to see things inaccurately.  

It's not much different with life in general.  There are so many good things around me, if only I'd take the time to look.  Unfortunately, most times I'm too caught up with all my problems, difficulties and the minor irritations of life.  It seems like there's nothing good under the sun! 

Looking for all that He has done take practice.  Once I'm accustomed to seeing His hand in all things, it will become second nature.  For instance, it is easy to walk past my hydrangeas everyday when they're in full-bloom and never really see them.  I am too focused on what's going on inside of my head!  If, instead, I would take a moment to marvel at the beauty of God's creativity, I would rejoice and my heart would be lifted up.

Other times, I fail to notice the small blessings in the midst of each momentary crisis, like the protection of His hand on me as I drive or His mercy in granting an additional day to live my life.

The psalmist reminds me that, "The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy." (Psalm 126:3)  Choosing to look at all that God has done, instead of focusing on all that is hard in my life, will bring great joy to my heart.  

When my heart is soft, I am able to see all that He has done in my life. . . and I rejoice!

On the outside, I may seem like I have everything together and that I am close to God, but my heart tells a different story.  It tells a tale of waywardness and a need to return to my Creator.  It highlights my need to see my sin for what it is: an affront to God.  My heart is sorely lacking in eyes to see all that He has done.  It is time for my wayward heart to return Home where it belongs!

As I begin this day, it is my prayer that I can humble my heart before a holy God who loves me.  

How do I go through the motions, leaving my heart out of the relationship I have with God?

When is my heart hardened against my sin, seeing it as a flaw instead of as a black hole of evil?