Ebb and Flow

"'Lord,' Martha said to Jesus,

'if you had been here, my brother would not have died.

But I know that even now God will give you

whatever you ask.'"

John 11:21-22

"When Mary reached the place 

where Jesus was and saw him,

she fell at his feet and said, 

'Lord, if you had been here,

my brother would not have died.'"

John 11:32

My walk with Jesus seems to be so fickle.  Maybe I'm the only one who struggles with this inconsistency of faith, so I'll explain.  One day I'll be striding along upon the peak of the mountaintops; I feel there's nothing I can't do.  Nothing perturbs me, frustration stays at bay and the peace of God permeates my being. Then, the very next day I'm a basket case.  Every little obstacle turns into a crisis of epic proportion.  I cannot handle even the slightest disappointment without crumbling into a heap of discouragement.  Where is God's Spirit?  Why is my flesh winning the battle so easily?

In reality, I'm not the only one whose faith experiences an ebb and flow.  Many people, like Elijah, exhibited an extraordinary amount of faith followed almost immediately by a period of despair. It seems the most important point for me to remember is that whether I'm floating on the clouds or swimming through the muck, God wants my honesty.  He doesn't want me to buck up and put on a happy face.  Rather, He can handle the reality of my raw feelings.  

When I'm candid and unguarded with God, I am showing that I trust Him with my struggles, fears, disappointments and even anger.  Any good relationship is based on trust and my relationship with God is no different.

Even though I go through periods of highs and lows, I can always trust God with my true feelings and live authentically with Him.

Martha 

Martha was having a bad day.  She had invited important people to a meal and there was so much work to be done.  She wanted to honor her family by making sure everything was just right.  There was cleaning to finish, dishes to prepare and people to serve and she so wanted to make a good impression, but things were getting out of control.  Her guests had been waiting quite awhile and she was still far from ready to serve the meal.  It was rude to make her company wait. . . at least if I could get some appetizers on the table to get them started, she thought.

It wouldn't be so bad if her sister was here to help, but no!  She was lounging around talking to Jesus.   He had become a pretty good friend and it was obvious He was more than an ordinary man, so couldn't He see how much she needed Mary's help?  Arrgghh.  Her blood pressure rose just thinking about the injustice of it.

I can relate to Martha.  Her heart was in the right place in inviting Jesus to her home, but then her insecurities reared their ugly heads.  What if they don't like my food?  What if my home is not clean enough?  What will they think if they see how incompetent I am?

Jesus, however, put it all into perspective when He said Mary had chosen what was better.  Spending time with Him, learning of His ways and soaking in His love was the most important priority.  Maybe Martha took that lesson to heart and grew in her faith because once her brother died that fateful day, she greeted Jesus with a statement of bold faith.  "Even now God will give you whatever you ask." (John 11:22)

Still, she faltered.  When Jesus said her brother would rise again, she thought He meant at the last day.  He, however, proclaimed His power over death in calling Himself, "the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." (v:25-26)

Even so, she didn't get it.  When Jesus told them to roll away the stone from the tomb of Lazarus, Martha protested, saying, "But, Lord. . . by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days."  (v39)

I'm no different than Martha.  I proclaim my belief in God and His Sovereign plan for my life, then He prods me to step out in faith and I balk.  "But. . . "  I am so quick to protest and rely on my common sense.  Faith, however, takes less of my own analysis and more of God.  

The One who spoke the world into being can certainly provide for my needs.  The One who calmed the sea with a single phrase and settle the storm inside of me.  The One who knows when even a sparrow falls to the ground is certainly capable of knowing the intimate details of my life.

Martha wanted to believe in God's power, but her reaction sometimes betrayed her lack of faith.  Still, Jesus patiently reminded her of the truth and blessed her with the miracle of life along with many other good things.

Even when my faith falters, God is faithful and He's not offended by my lack of trust.

Mary

She was always the sensitive, free-spirit.  As a young girl, she would often take pity on a fallen sparrow or a wounded bunny, bringing animals home to nurse them back to health.  She never understood her sister's discipline and attention to detail.  A dinner party to her meant throwing something quick and easy together and then enjoying the company.  But Martha always wanted to make sure everything was in place and that the meal would be to the guest's liking. She was so uptight!

Still, when her brother died, Mary couldn't understand what happened.  They had summoned Jesus, but He never showed up.  Mary knew how much Jesus loved Lazarus.  She wondered, Why would He forsake us in our time of need?  Sure, I know people are hunting Him down like a wild animal, intent on taking His life, but since when did controversy or danger ever stop Jesus?  

It was then that she got word that He finally had showed up, but she wasn't quite sure how to respond.  She threw herself at His feet and blurted out her disappointment. "If only you'd been here, Lazarus wouldn't have died. . . ."  Her tears flowed freely down her cheeks.  Much to her surprise, Jesus wept as well.  He did love Lazarus!  

Mary was not afraid to react authentically when she saw Jesus.  She didn't try to pretend she wasn't disappointed.  She didn't put on a happy face and say how glad she was to see Jesus.  Instead, she laid her soul bare, "If only. . . "

There are times when I'm thoroughly upset with the way my life is going.  I lost my job, I received a diagnosis, I feel all alone.  I don't have to pretend like everything is okay.  As a follower of Jesus, I have a Savior who will carry that load for me.  Unloading my frustrations, regrets and dissatisfaction onto Jesus is perfectly appropriate.  He will mourn with me. . . .He will be deeply moved. . . .He cares.

Even when I'm disappointed in the circumstances of my life, Jesus will understand my feelings and help me through it.

David

David was desperate.  He'd been running from Saul for so long that he was beginning to lose hope.  How long would God wait to deliver him?  He feared for his very life, afraid that perhaps God had forsaken him or even given up on him.  His tears would not dry up so deep was his sorrow.  Had he fought so long only for it all to end that night?

Still, David trusted God.  If God was finished with him, so be it, but he still believed God had not turned a deaf ear to his weeping.  Maybe things seemed bad at the moment, but God was still God.  David trusted Him despite the fact that he seemed to have ceased to exist.   He had seen God work too many times to give up on Him so easily.  No, despite his own weakness and fear for his life, David took comfort in the fact that God was listening to him.

I have gone through desert times when I questioned my faith and wondered where God was hiding.  Or I felt so weak in my faith that I didn't think I could carry on; one more blow and I might be down for good.  Or the trouble keeps hitting me again and again until I wonder what I did to deserve this treatment.

Like David, I can learn to trust in God for who I know Him to be, despite how I feel.  Clinging to the truth helps me to get through the times when God seems so far away.

Even when I'm weak and in trouble, I can cry out to God, knowing that He hears my cry for mercy and accepts my prayers.  (Psalm 6:9)

One minute I'm up, the next minute I'm down.  Such is the life of a believer.  Even though my faith ebbs and flows, God is constant and secure.  He is by my side even when my faith falters, when I'm in the depths of despair or when I'm weak and in trouble.  Despite the fact that my faith is fickle, "the name of the LORD is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe."  (Proverbs 18:10 NLT)  

Spend a moment to meditate on the words of "Strong Tower" by Kutless.

As I begin this day, it is my prayer that I will run to God despite how I feel.

How does my lack of faith discourage me from running to God?

When do my feelings of despair shame me into staying away from God?