I Can Run, But I Can't Hide

"Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?"

Psalm 139:7

My heart raced as I drove to the neighboring town and randomly stopped at a phone booth.  How did I get into this predicament?  This can't be happening to me. . . I can't be pregnant.  I'll just take care of it.    

I grabbed the dangling phone book and opened it up to the "A" section, hoping God would understand.  I can't be a mother!  I'm not even married.  Things weren't supposed to turn out this way!  My mother will be so disappointed and I'll never be able to face my family and friends.   As my finger traced a line down the list of businesses, my eyes settled on one name.  "Crisis Pregnancy Center"  Yeah, that's me all right.  

My palms grew damp as I dialed the number. Don't cry. . . hold it together. . . just ask for the test.  I could hear the friendly voice say, "Sure, we can give you a pregnancy test.  Come on in and we'll talk about it," but my mind was focused on my solution.  Even though I had always been against abortion, I didn't know any other way out of my situation.  I couldn't go through with the pregnancy. 

I was running that day back in 1988; running away from the truth.  I knew in my heart that all life was valuable to God and that it was wrong for me to kill an innocent child, but I didn't want to face the consequences of my actions.  I was scared and ashamed.  So I made up my mind: I decided to go against my beliefs and take the life; the life of my firstborn.

It's funny how God has a way of turning us back to where He wants us.  Even though my stubborn mind was set, He knew how to get to me.  He knew what it would take to soften my heart and quiet my fears.  He knew that child must live.

Looking back at my 23-year-old daughter's uncertain beginning, I can clearly see God's hand in sending me to a facility where He is honored and where I would hear the truth.  Before the staff at the center would administer the free test, they required that I watch a film about abortion.  The first few graphic minutes hit me hard and that was all it took.  My mind was changed and I came back to where God wanted me.  

I'm not the only one who has run away from God.  Many others have fled.  Maybe you're taking flight right now.  Do not fear.  God is with you and He has a better plan for you.  

Utter Evasion

The command couldn't have been more clear: "Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because it's wickedness has come up before me." (Jonah 1:2)  Jonah, however, was scared.  This was no ordinary city.  This was a huge city spanning no less than 30 miles from one end to the other and at least 10 miles wide at any one point.  It took days to walk across this metropolis.  

But it wasn't just the size that was overwhelming; it was the brutality and cold hearts of it's people that struck terror into the heart of this prophet of God.  So he ran, in the opposite direction to the port city of Joppa where he hopped aboard a ship sailing to Tarshish.  Not to worry, though, because God knew just what kind of wake-up call Jonah needed.  

The Lord sent a mighty storm, endangering the lives of the crew and driving them to throw Jonah overboard where he was swallowed by a great fish.  It was there, in the belly of the whale, that Jonah came to his senses.  His mind was changed and his heart was softened.  Soon, Jonah was headed back to Nineveh to deliver that message to a wicked people, saving them from the destruction their evil ways deserved.

There are times when I outright disobey.  I pretend like I don't know any better and do the exact opposite of what God has called me to do.  The good news is that when the consequences of my actions catch up to me, I find that God hasn't written me off.  He still is willing to give me another chance.

Even when I completely avoid God's calling, He has a way of taking me back to where He wants me.

Flight of Fear

He was a Hebrew raised as an Egyptian prince.  His heart was with his people as they toiled under brutal treatment, but he lived in the palace receiving royal care. He was placed there by God for a specific purpose.  One day he snapped.  He killed one of the Egyptian overseers who was viciously beating his people.  Hoping that no one saw his deed, he hid the body in the sand.

No feat performed in the darkness ever stays there, and this one was no different.  Soon it came to the Pharaoh's attention and he put out the warrant for the death of Moses; so the young man fled to a far off land.  Moses ended up staying there in Midian for 40 years, getting married and raising a family as he worked as a common shepherd.

God used this period of time to humble Moses and prepare him for his life of service when he would lead his people out of slavery and toward the promised land.  There are times when I run away in fear, thinking I have messed up my life only to find that God uses that time in exile to humble and prepare me for something bigger.

God is the God of second-chances.  He doesn't write me off when I blow it.  Instead, He takes my broken life and creates a beautiful work of art that can be admired by all who see it.  When others are inspired and moved by what they see in my life, I can point to the Creator and His handiwork as the One responsible for the beauty. 

Even when I mess up big time, God has a way of turning my ugliness into beauty and using my life anyway.

Trip of Terror

The evil queen wanted him dead.  He had just killed all of her prophets of Baal, and she would not let that go unpunished.  He was dead meat.  He didn't know what to do, so he ran.  He went off by himself and sat down under a tree, dejected and all alone.  No one understood.  No one else had stood against the evil Jezebel.  No one else cared about God and His law. It was over.  Why should one man continue to fight against such evil?

But he was not alone.  Even though it seemed all was lost, there were 7000 who stayed faithful to the one true God.  Things are never as bad as they seem.

I admit it; I can be a drama queen.  When on thing goes wrong, it does feel like everything is going wrong.  But my feelings are deceptive.  Just because it seems like no one cares, or that my efforts make no difference or that all hope is lost doesn't make it true. 

Elijah had just been on the mountain top.  He showed God's power to 450 prophets of Baal, killing them all.   He knew there was nothing God couldn't do.  Then came the threat, and all his bravado went out the window.  He felt dejected.

It is easy for me to get discouraged, especially after a monumental, life-changing experience.  It seems I think the rest of my life should take place up on that mountain.  But life is lived in the valleys, and this is where my faith is tested.  A crisis or trial does not mean the end of my life.  Instead, its a time to look to God for encouragement, just as He sent a ministering angel to meet Elijah's needs and to lift his spirits.  

Difficulties are not the end, they are simply the means God uses to touch me.  Once I'm paying attention, then He tells me what I need to hear.  "I am with you always."  "I have a great plan for your life." "I love you enough to die for you."   "I know you completely, but I love you anyway."

Even when I think I'm all alone, God is always with me.

I'm an expert at running, whether it be away from God's calling, toward a place of refuge or because of discouragement.  Whatever the reason, the result is the same: through it all I learn that God can still use me, can transform a mess into splendor and is always with me, even when I feel alone.   I can run, but I can't hide from God and considering all He does for me, why would I want to?  

As I begin this day, it is my prayer that I can trust God to do what's best for me.

When do I run away in fear only to find what I was afraid of me waiting at my destination?

How do I run out of habit?