Inner Life

"Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,

and in sin did my mother conceive me.

Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,

and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Purge me with hyssop,

and I shall be clean;

wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow."

Psalm 51:5-7 ESV

I have a friend who always used to say, "As long as the yard looks nice the beds can be unmade and the dishes stacked in the sink," meaning that having the pretense of success as a housekeeper is all a matter of strategy: Focus on what everyone will see and they'll never know what lies undone inside.

While this is a fine, low-stress tactic to keeping house, I can't use that same approach with my life, although I often try.  Sometimes, I focus on keeping the outward appearance looking clean and tidy, but neglect the mess inside.

Which matters most to God, the outside or what no one else can see?

Truth.  Naturally, I am God's enemy; a child of "God's wrath and heir to His indignation." (Ephesians 2:3)  This is not to say that I am not inherently valuable to Him, because I'm worth more than diamonds or rubies in His eyes.  It's just that my sin makes it impossible for Him to live as He so desires; in relationship with me.  And it's not just the things I do or fail to do that drives Him away from me, it is my very nature, my flesh, that drives a wedge between me and Him.  In other words, there's nothing I can do to repair the breach that exists between me and the One who loves me best.  I'm desperately estranged from my Father.

To know the seriousness of my sin and how it's nothing I can help or change is important to the state of my heart.  Without understanding of my total depravity, my inability to rise to the occasion of living a righteous life, I will never realize my desperate need for Jesus.  Apart from Him, I'm doomed to destruction.  Through faith in Him, my position in God's family as His child is restored, and I'm forgiven.

Once I get how lost I am, I can place my weight fully upon the Gospel of Jesus Christ to save me.  And then I will be free from the guilt that so easily weighs my inner self down.  I'll be liberated from my secret ambition to prove myself as worthy.  I can walk away from the old way of thinking that I don't belong because in Christ, I do.

The first step to focusing on my inner self that matters most to God, I must face the truth about my sinful flesh.

Scrutiny.  I spend time examining my schedule, squeezing in extra time here, and eliminating waste there.  I scrutinize my shortfalls, criticizing myself relentlessly.  I take my job seriously, always seeking to improve the way I do things.  But do I take this same ability to analyze and apply it to my heart?  Rarely.

As Socrates is known to have said, "The unexamined life is not worth living."  While this Greek philosopher may have had a different kind of examination in mind, God does want me to pay attention to what is going on inside, what drives me, and what makes me tick.  While I may have some insight into my inner workings, only God is truly "acquainted with all my ways."  (Psalm 139:3)

Consequently, I would be wise to take on the practice David demonstrated in Psalm 139:23 when He opened himself up to God, asking Him to "Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!"  Allowing God to come in and test my motivations, examine my heart, and then show me where I'm off will lead to growth and greater intimacy with the One who knows me best and loves me fully.

Only God can scrutinize my heart in a way that doesn't condemn but delivers inner peace and fosters spiritual growth.

Secret.  It's always fun to have a secret between friends; an inside joke that is shared between two people that care about each other.  Maybe it's because this speaks to my desire to belong, or my need to be known and still accepted, but sharing secrets can be a bonding experience.

God desires to share a secret with me. He knows me perfectly and loves me wholly.  With His wisdom, he wants to give me insight into why I am the way I am, and how I can grow in my faith.  It's like I have the opportunity for private lessons between me and my Maker.  What could be better than this?

God is a nurturing Father who is constantly at work encouraging me in my baby steps, stretching me gently in new ways, and leading me slowly down fresh paths.  He whispers words that lovingly chastise my attitude or introduce effective tactics for solving problems.  He personally shows me how He wants me to live, if I would only pay attention to His gentle prodding and instruction.

Once I let God into my heart, He will teach me secret lessons meant only for me.

God doesn't so much care about my outward appearance, my actions, or my religious attention to following the rules.  Even if I look really good on the outside, He is only going to concern Himself with what goes on inside.  Consequently, I must face the truth of my sinful nature, let God examine my heart, and cooperate with His private lessons.  In these ways, my inner life will please God much more than any effort I can make to clean up the outside.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can trust God enough to let Him in.

When do I pretend to be who I think God wants me to be, never letting Him see the real me?

How am I afraid to be authentic with God?