Bitter Weeping

"Then seizing him, they led him away

and took him into the house of the high priest.

Peter followed at a distance.

But when they had kindled a fire in the middle

of the courtyard and had sat down together,

Peter sat down with them.

A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight.

She looked closely at him and said,

'This man was with him.'

But he denied it.  'Woman, I don't know him,' he said. 

A little later someone else saw him and said,

'You also are one of them.'

'Man, I am not!' Peter replied.

About an hour later another asserted,

'Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean.'

Peter replied, 'Man, I don't know what you're talking about!'

Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed.

The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter.

Then Peter remembered the word the Lord

 had spoken to him: 'Before the rooster crows today,

you will disown me three times.'

And he went outside and wept bitterly."

She stood alone in front of the judge with no one else to blame but herself.  She finally came to the realization that she was wrong and she fully accepted responsibility for her actions.  When the judge asked, "How do you plead?" her voice rang out clear and distinct, "Guilty."

There is a time in each of our lives when the heaviness of our sins weighs upon us.  For David, it was after Nathan confronted him with his sin of murder and adultery.  (2 Samuel 12:13)  For King Nebuchadnezzar, it was after his seven-year period of humbling. (Daniel 4:37) In the life of Saul, it was when he came face to face with Jesus, the One whom he had been persecuting. (Acts 9:9)  Each one came to the realization of their sinful core.

I, too, am sinful from birth.  There is nothing good in me.  When I stand beside the perfect standard, Jesus, I am black with sin.  Thankfully, His blood covers my sin, making me white as snow.  But realizing my true nature is essential to my ability to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  

I am who He said I am

Jesus looked at Peter and loved him.  Then He told Peter what would happen in the future: he would reject Jesus three times before dawn.  Peter thought,  No way!  I would die for Jesus!  His feelings for Jesus ran deep and his intentions were pure when he claimed to love Him enough to stand by His side no matter what.  The problem was, Peter didn't know his sin nature but Jesus did.  

Bitter tears fall when I come to realize I am exactly who Jesus said I am: a sinner.  Before the insight came, I thought I was pretty solid.  I knew I wasn't perfect, but I still thought I measured up pretty high compared to some.  I thought I wasn't bad enough to be considered as God's enemy.  Then reality hit and I fell to my knees under the weight of my sin.  I really am as bad as He said I was, I think as I weep at the hurt I've caused.  

The Good News is that Jesus came to find the lost, heal the sick, and save the broken.  When I hit bottom and see myself as I truly am illuminated by the pure, white light of Jesus, I am at the point where I can receive forgiveness.  John wrote that, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)

Admitting my sinful nature is a necessary part of giving Jesus lordship in my life.

I Can't Do It

Preschoolers love to say, "I can do it!"  They have gained enough independence and know-how to realize there are some things they can do on their own.  It is gratifying for them to be able to pick out their own clothes and dress themselves, choose their own snack, and even do simple chores.  Feeling autonomous is a normal part of the growing process.

This desire to "do it myself," carries over to adulthood as I continue to want to live independently.  I like to think I'm strong and capable and enjoy the feeling of depending upon no one but myself.   Then comes the crisis that is too big for me to handle.  The illness looming before me.  The charges filed against me.  The list of bills that stretches longer than my income.  Now what?

Bitter tears fall when I come to the end of myself and cry out, "I can't do this anymore!"  It is then that Jesus steps in and carries me.  God is not a bully God.  He waits for an invitation, a surrender or an admission of weakness.  The Apostle Paul put it this way: He said he asked God to take away a particularly difficult and painful area of his life.  God, however, answered that, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9) Therefore, Paul decided to celebrate his weaknesses because that is when God's power shows through.  

When I admit I can't do it, I provide an opportunity for God to step in and do it for me, therefore gaining all the glory for Himself.  Sometimes the "it" that I can no longer do is my job, or it could be the ability to cope with life, or it might be my marriage or my relationship with my children.  Many times the "it" that I'm incapable of carrying out is to move forward because I'm stuck in the past, unable to let go of yesterday and it's hurts, sins and secrets.  Knowing I can't means I know that He can.  

Admitting that I can't do it is a necessary part of giving Jesus lordship in my life.

I Failed

I cringe every time I hear the words uttered in a movie, usually from a parent to a child, "I won't ever leave you.  I promise."  Now that is a promise no one can deliver on!

Making a promise means I pledge to fulfill my word.  Sometimes a student promises to do their best in school.  Other times a man and wife pledge to honor and love each other 'til death do they part.  There are so many factors involved in carrying out a vow, many of which I cannot see or control.  If only one of those variables pops up, I'm doomed to fail.

There are two ways to handle broken promises.  One is to swear to do better next time and claim the slip-up will never happen again.  The other way is to admit guilt and ask for forgiveness.

Bitter tears fall when I realize I can't carry out my promises.  Try as I may, I am not equipped to perfectly live up to my own expectations, or those of anyone else for that matter.  As I am faced with my crookedness, I see my need for Jesus' faithfulness to replace my own corruption.

Admitting that I am naturally untrustworthy is a necessary part of giving Jesus lordship in my life.

Guilt.  The word itself sounds uncomfortable in my mouth.  Once I finally come to terms with my own sin and realize the darkness of my nature, then I will be able to see that I am exactly who Jesus said I was, that I am weak and a failure.  Thankfully, this is not the end of the story.  After the bitter tears fall, redemption occurs as I walk without guilt and am filled with righteousness as I proceed down the path laid out for me.  

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can humble myself enough to always keep my sin before me and thus see my need for Jesus.

How do I brush aside my corruption and call it a "mistake" or a "slip-up"?

When am I afraid to look at myself in the light of Jesus?