Bitter Weeping

"Then seizing him, they led him away

and took him into the house of the high priest.

Peter followed at a distance.

But when they had kindled a fire in the middle

of the courtyard and had sat down together,

Peter sat down with them.

A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight.

She looked closely at him and said,

'This man was with him.'

But he denied it.  'Woman, I don't know him,' he said. 

A little later someone else saw him and said,

'You also are one of them.'

'Man, I am not!' Peter replied.

About an hour later another asserted,

'Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean.'

Peter replied, 'Man, I don't know what you're talking about!'

Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed.

The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter.

Then Peter remembered the word the Lord

 had spoken to him: 'Before the rooster crows today,

you will disown me three times.'

And he went outside and wept bitterly."

She stood alone in front of the judge with no one else to blame but herself.  She finally came to the realization that she was wrong and she fully accepted responsibility for her actions.  When the judge asked, "How do you plead?" her voice rang out clear and distinct, "Guilty."

There is a time in each of our lives when the heaviness of our sins weighs upon us.  For David, it was after Nathan confronted him with his sin of murder and adultery.  (2 Samuel 12:13)  For King Nebuchadnezzar, it was after his seven-year period of humbling. (Daniel 4:37) In the life of Saul, it was when he came face to face with Jesus, the One whom he had been persecuting. (Acts 9:9)  Each one came to the realization of their sinful core.

I, too, am sinful from birth.  There is nothing good in me.  When I stand beside the perfect standard, Jesus, I am black with sin.  Thankfully, His blood covers my sin, making me white as snow.  But realizing my true nature is essential to my ability to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  

I am who He said I am

Jesus looked at Peter and loved him.  Then He told Peter what would happen in the future: he would reject Jesus three times before dawn.  Peter thought,  No way!  I would die for Jesus!  His feelings for Jesus ran deep and his intentions were pure when he claimed to love Him enough to stand by His side no matter what.  The problem was, Peter didn't know his sin nature but Jesus did.  

Bitter tears fall when I come to realize I am exactly who Jesus said I am: a sinner.  Before the insight came, I thought I was pretty solid.  I knew I wasn't perfect, but I still thought I measured up pretty high compared to some.  I thought I wasn't bad enough to be considered as God's enemy.  Then reality hit and I fell to my knees under the weight of my sin.  I really am as bad as He said I was, I think as I weep at the hurt I've caused.  

The Good News is that Jesus came to find the lost, heal the sick, and save the broken.  When I hit bottom and see myself as I truly am illuminated by the pure, white light of Jesus, I am at the point where I can receive forgiveness.  John wrote that, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)

Admitting my sinful nature is a necessary part of giving Jesus lordship in my life.

I Can't Do It

Preschoolers love to say, "I can do it!"  They have gained enough independence and know-how to realize there are some things they can do on their own.  It is gratifying for them to be able to pick out their own clothes and dress themselves, choose their own snack, and even do simple chores.  Feeling autonomous is a normal part of the growing process.

This desire to "do it myself," carries over to adulthood as I continue to want to live independently.  I like to think I'm strong and capable and enjoy the feeling of depending upon no one but myself.   Then comes the crisis that is too big for me to handle.  The illness looming before me.  The charges filed against me.  The list of bills that stretches longer than my income.  Now what?

Bitter tears fall when I come to the end of myself and cry out, "I can't do this anymore!"  It is then that Jesus steps in and carries me.  God is not a bully God.  He waits for an invitation, a surrender or an admission of weakness.  The Apostle Paul put it this way: He said he asked God to take away a particularly difficult and painful area of his life.  God, however, answered that, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9) Therefore, Paul decided to celebrate his weaknesses because that is when God's power shows through.  

When I admit I can't do it, I provide an opportunity for God to step in and do it for me, therefore gaining all the glory for Himself.  Sometimes the "it" that I can no longer do is my job, or it could be the ability to cope with life, or it might be my marriage or my relationship with my children.  Many times the "it" that I'm incapable of carrying out is to move forward because I'm stuck in the past, unable to let go of yesterday and it's hurts, sins and secrets.  Knowing I can't means I know that He can.  

Admitting that I can't do it is a necessary part of giving Jesus lordship in my life.

I Failed

I cringe every time I hear the words uttered in a movie, usually from a parent to a child, "I won't ever leave you.  I promise."  Now that is a promise no one can deliver on!

Making a promise means I pledge to fulfill my word.  Sometimes a student promises to do their best in school.  Other times a man and wife pledge to honor and love each other 'til death do they part.  There are so many factors involved in carrying out a vow, many of which I cannot see or control.  If only one of those variables pops up, I'm doomed to fail.

There are two ways to handle broken promises.  One is to swear to do better next time and claim the slip-up will never happen again.  The other way is to admit guilt and ask for forgiveness.

Bitter tears fall when I realize I can't carry out my promises.  Try as I may, I am not equipped to perfectly live up to my own expectations, or those of anyone else for that matter.  As I am faced with my crookedness, I see my need for Jesus' faithfulness to replace my own corruption.

Admitting that I am naturally untrustworthy is a necessary part of giving Jesus lordship in my life.

Guilt.  The word itself sounds uncomfortable in my mouth.  Once I finally come to terms with my own sin and realize the darkness of my nature, then I will be able to see that I am exactly who Jesus said I was, that I am weak and a failure.  Thankfully, this is not the end of the story.  After the bitter tears fall, redemption occurs as I walk without guilt and am filled with righteousness as I proceed down the path laid out for me.  

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can humble myself enough to always keep my sin before me and thus see my need for Jesus.

How do I brush aside my corruption and call it a "mistake" or a "slip-up"?

When am I afraid to look at myself in the light of Jesus?

The Healing Power of Faith

"As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. . .

Jesus stopped and ordered the man

to be brought to him.

When he came near,

Jesus asked him,

'What do you want me to do for you?'

'Lord, I want to see,' he replied.

Jesus said to him,

'Receive your sight;

your faith has healed you.'

Immediately he received his sight

and followed Jesus, praising God.

When all the people saw it, they also praised God."

Luke 18:35, 40-43

I followed at a distance, afraid to be discovered trailing Him.  My heart ached with the pain of many wounds; battle scars collected along the narrow trail I traveled.  I knew my Savior held the power to heal within His hands, but I was afraid.  What if I'm not good enough?  Maybe its all  my fault.  He probably only restores health and well-being to those who really deserve it.  I can't risk the possibility of rejection. . . not again. . .  

Writer Cecil Osbourne said, "God's forgiveness and love exist for you as if you were the only person on earth."  I need never fear to approach the throne of grace to receive the forgiveness He promises there.  (Hebrews 4:16, 1 John 1:9) 

When I go to Jesus, He will ask me what He can do for me.  The way I answer that question reveals the level of intimacy in my relationship with Him.  If I smile and say, "Oh, nothing.  Everything's great!  You have given me much for which I can be thankful," but ignore the painful situation I am currently suffering through, I am not trusting Him.  If, however, I give my hurts to Him and say, "I need your restorative touch right about now," then His healing power will come through.  Believing in His ability and willingness to cure me either physically, emotionally or spiritually is what will heal me.

Physical

The common cold, influenza, chicken pox, Diabetes, heart disease, kidney failure, cancer, benign yet fast-growing tumors, pneumonia.  These are all ailments and conditions that are affecting some of the people around me.  There is no doubt in my mind that the human body is fragile and not able to withstand the kinds of pressure this sinful world places on it.  As the Apostle Paul said in 2 Corinthians 4:16. "Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

My body is wearing out as I move toward the inevitable: the day when my number is called and it's time for me to go to my heavenly home.  Even so, Jesus does offer healing from my physical ailments.  Having said that, I can't expect my wishes to be granted just because I want things to go a certain way.  No one wants to suffer, but many times He uses suffering as a tool to purify me and refine my faith.  (Malachi 3:3)   I must leave room for His plan.

Jesus does, however, bring healing to my body at times.  I know a man whose heart was beating erratically for 12 years.  The right doctor finally caught his condition and ordered a boat-load of tests.   The medical team decided to cauterize some vessels and then use a defibrillator to "shock" the heart back into a regular rhythm.  They were not optimistic, though, because of how long his heart had behaved this way.   God, however, had a different plan.  As soon as the doctor began the procedure, the heart spontaneously began beating regularly for the first time in a dozen years.  This experience worked to awaken this man's heart to the presence of God in His life.

Another friend of mine has an equally amazing, yet completely different testimony of how God has used physical suffering to heal her faith.  After countless surgeries, she now is able to go through any kind of difficulty, crisis or frightening event without the fear that used to plague her.  As she placed her life in God's hands, He has replaced her doubt and fear with faith.  Now she encourages others to never give up on God but to simply let Him take the lead in their lives.  She knows that God used her physical ailments to bring about a wholeness that she otherwise would not have experienced.

When I ask Jesus to heal me physically, He will do it in a way that glorifies Him and works to restore my relationship with Him.

Emotional

The vines wrapped around the branches of the tree, working to pull it down by the force of it's growth.  Deep gashes formed in the bark of the victim as the trailing plant disguised it's destructiveness with the beauty of it's leaves.  If I didn't cut the vine from the tree, it would soon die from the efforts of that deceptive plant.

Destructive vines are so much like the sin of unforgiveness in my life.  When I refuse to let go of the hurt or pain that someone causes me, I put myself at the mercy of a callous organism that will tirelessly wear me down until I am a shell of the woman God created me to be.  Instead of living an abundant life, it will be empty and full of sorrow, bitterness and chaos.

Jesus, however, offers healing from the wounds caused by the sin of another.  Maybe the life of a dear one was ripped from my arms through no fault of my own.  All I want is my child back, but the actions of a stranger took that option away from me.  How dare he.  

My anger could threaten to overtake me as I think of all the words that have been said over the years: Hurtful, thoughtless and vindictive.  I am always on the verge of an emotional outburst as the resentment simmers just under the surface.

My life has been a series of bad choices driven by the pain from within.  As a child, my innocence was taken from me at a young age.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my molester.  How can he live in freedom when he has left me in bondage?  It's not fair.  

I can live in anger and bitterness, or I can do the unthinkable and forgive.  As one who has been forgiven through the cleansing blood of Christ, I have the power to let go of all the pain, anger and bitterness I've been holding onto for so many years.  I can put the fate of the one who hurt me into the hands of the One who is just.  Then, I can let the shackles that have oppressed me fall free.

Take a moment to listen to the words of Matthew West in "Forgiven" and meditate on how letting go can set us free.

When I ask Jesus to heal me emotionally, He will use forgiveness to heal my wounds. 

Spiritual

"It is finished."  As Jesus uttered those final words on the cross, He completed the mission for which God had sent Him to earth to accomplish.  He made a way for me, a sinner, to reconcile my relationship with my Father, a holy and perfect God. (John 3:16-17)

When I accepted Jesus as my Savior, I received the promise of eternal life.  It wasn't until years later, however, when I finally made Jesus Lord of my life, that I began to experience the intimacy of a relationship with my Creator.  He began to teach me things about Him and His kingdom that I would never otherwise had learned.

There are so many things that can get between me and my Love.  There are my own fleshly desires, my fears and doubts, my relationships with other humans, my hobbies and other pursuits.  In a nutshell, anything or anyone can become an idol that steals my attention away from God.

Jesus offers spiritual healing through the Gospel.  The Good News of Jesus dying on the cross for my sins, taking the punishment my sins deserved, is not just a one-time message that only has the power to save me from Hell.  The blood of Jesus also gives me the ability to destroy strongholds in my life that keep me away from God.  

I am made right with God through the blood of Jesus, and His sacrifice continues to carry power in my life to allow me to walk with Him.  It is important that I preach the gospel to myself and allow Jesus to continually restore my relationship to the Father.

I can easily be duped into thinking the work I do in the church will draw me closer to God, but the Gospel reminds me that I am saved by faith, not be works, and this ability to believe is a gift of God.  I can't earn heaven and I can't be good enough on my own to please God.  (Ephesians 2:8-10)  I need Jesus and must constantly remember my vulnerability.  God saved me out of His great love and mercy: I can take no credit whatsoever, nor can I pay Him back for all He's done for me.

Quite often I forget the Gospel and think I am doomed to eternal death for my wicked heart.   I recognize the sin within me and fall into the idea that there's no hope left.  I need to remember how the blood of Jesus rescued me from condemnation so I can live freely in relation with Him.  (Romans 8:1)

Forgetting the forgiveness I have with God through Jesus Christ, I often take up the challenge of trying to change my behavior in my own strength in order to look more Christ-like.  I fall short, and then feel like a failure.  All the while I am drifting further and further away from my Savior.  The Gospel cleanses away my desire to earn forgiveness and gives me the power to freely receive it, opening myself up to the abundant life He intended for me.

When I ask Jesus to heal me spiritually, He restores my relationship with Him through the power of the cross.

Healing can come in many forms: to my body, my heart or my spirit.   Jesus has the power to heal all types of ailments, but His ultimate goal is to restore my relationship to the Father.  When I put myself into His hands, I may be surprised with the outcome, but I will never feel more at peace as I realize the healing power of faith.

As I begin this day I pray for healing to every part of my being.

How do I want God to heal me physically but I refuse to forgive someone who has hurt me?  Is there a connection?

When am I afraid to let go of certain "idols" because they seem so closely identified with who I am?