Friend to the Suffering

"I could say the same things if you were in my place.

I could spout off criticism and shake my head at you.

But if it were me, I would encourage you.

I would try to take away your grief.

Instead, I suffer if I defend myself,

and I suffer no less if I refuse to speak."

Job 16:4-6 NLT

Job had a point. He was easily enduring his deepest trial marked by excruciating pain and suffering.  It was surely the most difficult test of his life.  And how did his friends respond?  By seeming to have all the answers for his situation.  

While his suffering was no fault of his own, his friends made it out to be as a result of his own actions.  If the roles were reversed, he could easily say the same to them, but what good would that do?

I am called to bear the burdens of those who hurt, but I can (and have, I'm embarrassed to say) easily fall into the pattern of these hurtful friends and attempt to "fix" their problems, identify the cause, or deliver a quick remedy.  How am I instead to respond to pain and suffering?

Share.  It's a skill that is taught from a young age; to share.  Observing a group of preschoolers playing with toys, however, it is quite evident that sharing is not natural.  Mankind is plagued with sin and thus we tend to keep our things to ourselves.

In God's kingdom, this concept of sharing extends to more than just material things.  It is God's vision that we, as His people, share in the lives of one another.  Coming from a very individualistic culture, this is a hard concept for me to adopt.  Add on top of that my fleshly tendency to be very self-centered and I have a tall order to fill, difficult, but not impossible with God.  Through His empowering Spirit, I can share the pain of those in my midst (Romans 12:15).

There is something very comforting about seeing tears well up out of empathy in the eyes of a friend as I share my deepest hurts.  To know that kind of compassion is to be comforted by God Himself through a brother or sister (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).  Sometimes, all I want to know is that someone cares.  This kind of gentle concern is like balm to my soul.

If I want to come alongside those who are suffering, I would be wise to share in their pain.

Identify.  There are some things I could picture myself doing, and other scenarios in which I could never imagine myself.  If I'm honest with myself about the darkness of my own heart, however, I would discover that I am capable of any sin.  It is only by the grace of God that I am what I am (1 Corinthians 15:10).  Likewise, I may think I can't relate to what someone is suffering because I've never experienced such pain.  If I take a moment to realize, however, that God could easily take me through a similar trial, I will gain a new perspective.

To realize that God's grace is the only thing that stands between me and complete and utter destruction is to be able to identify with what a friend is experiencing.  Thinking that I could never think that way, or react similarly, or fall into such depths of despair is to judge myself as better than I really am.  Apart from Christ, I am nothing and there is no good in me (Romans 7:18).  In the same way, God may just have a similar experience waiting for me in the days to come.  

Therefore, I can put myself in the shoes of the suffering, feeling the full weight of what it would be like to be them.  Once I've got to this point, I am then ready to gently restore and encourage as the Spirit leads (Galatians 6:1-3).  If I begin to leave that friend's side and face her accusingly, I must reassess, reminding myself how closely I identify with her current state:  It could just as easily be me.

If I want to come alongside those who are suffering, I must identify with their position.

Recognize.  I often try to guess what He's doing.  Sometimes I think I know Him well enough to detect a pattern that allows me to predict the outcome.  Other times I'm confident that I see the purpose.  Then comes the curve ball, the unexpected, the surprising, and I'm stunned at the sudden turn of events.  In reality, God has simply acted according to His purposes and plan which is so far superior to my own that I had no way of predicting the direction in which He was going (Isaiah 55:8-9).

As a result of God's higher ways, I can confidently say that I don't know what He's up to.  I do, however, know that whatever it is that He is doing is good, promising and is forward-focused (Jeremiah 29:11).  

Using this knowledge about God's supremacy, then, I can remind those who are suffering that God is at work on their behalf.  Just because we can't detect His activity, doesn't mean He's not there, busily bringing about His plan.  It just means my limited mind has no idea where to look for Him.  Instead, I must encourage the hurting to trust God to bring good out of the pain in whatever way best fits into His plan for their lives and to realize that He never leaves their side (Romans 8:28, Deuteronomy 31:6).

If I want to come alongside those who are suffering, I must stop trying to understand what is going on and simply recognize God's superior and sovereign plan.

It's easy to become just like Job's friends, accusing, judging and criticizing.  If I really want to be a friend to those who are hurting, however, I would be wise to share in their pain, identify with their situation, and recognize the sovereignty of God through it all.  In these ways I'll avoid the all-too common trap into which these well-meaning men fell and instead become a real friend to the suffering.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can remember my own dependency upon the grace of God.

When do I tend to get a little too big for my britches and come down hard on those who have fallen?

How can I keep an accurate assessment of my own depravity always before me?