Crippling Shame

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things?

If God is for us, who can be against us?

He who did not spare his own Son, 

but gave him up for us all--

how will he not also, along with him, 

graciously give us all things?

Who can bring any charge against those whom God has chosen?  It is God who justifies.

Who then is the one who condemns?

No One.

Christ Jesus who died

--more than that, who was raised to life-- 

is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?"

Romans 8:31-34

The lies float through my head.  You're no good.  You don't belong here.  Who do you think you are?  The guilt and shame flood over me and I wonder what I need to do to be good enough, to prove my worth, to earn my keep in God's kingdom.

Then I remember the sweet words of freedom from such oppression.  You are forgiven.  There is no end to this forgiveness (Psalm 103:12).  While your sins have stained you like scarlet, you are made white as snow through the blood of Jesus which covers your sins (Isaiah 1:18, Hebrews 9:14).  All I see is the perfection of Christ when I look at you;  I see the woman I created you to be (2 Corinthians 5:21, Philippians 3:9) .  Your are well-loved, my child, and nothing can change that (1 John 3:1, Ephesians 3:17-19, Romans 8:38-39).  Walk in My forgiveness made possible through My Son's sacrifice, now and forevermore.

So I begin this journey, walking and leaping and praising God.  I have been forgiven (Romans 4:7)!  I am forgiven (Ephesians 1:7).  I am free from condemnation (Romans 8:1).

If God has deemed me righteous by the blood of His Son, who can speak a word against me?  Who can say otherwise?  His word trumps all.

Now it's time for me to believe it.  Won't you join me, dear reader?

Let the words of "Drops in the Ocean" by Hawk Nelson wash over you, and believe.  When Jesus set you free, you are free, no matter what anyone says (John 8:36).

Go in peace, my friend.

Steady Heart

In honor of yesterday's 800th post on 

Writings on the Doorframe, 

I am offering free signed copies of my book: 

If you would like to be entered in the drawing, 

please email me at boosehome@aol.com
or leave me a comment below 

by the end of the day on Sunday, March 22nd.  

Winners will be announced on 

Monday, March 23, 2015!


"Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast,
trusting in the LORD.
Their hearts are secure,
they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes."
Psalm 112:6-8

What's the secret of a steadfast, firmly-grounded-in-the-Lord heart?  One that doesn't fear the unknown, what could be, or the threatening?  One that resists doubting no matter how impossible the situation, how weak the flesh, or how great the odds are against me?  What's the secret of a steady heart?  It's no secret, really.

Righteous.  There's a difference between being self-righteous and declared righteous.  The first is where I use my own standard, measuring myself using my own yardstick and ending up smelling like a rose.  The second is where I am deemed as right with God through faith in Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).  Even though I fall short of God's perfect standard, I am measured according to the perfection of Christ and therefore my faith in Him as Lord and Savior places me in right standing with God despite my sin.

Since my identity in Christ is not based on my own merit, I know I am a well-loved daughter who is fully accepted and I can be assured of my eternal place in God's family.  Knowing that there is nothing I will go through in life, nothing that can be done to me or nothing that I can do that will shake my position or make God stop loving me makes a huge difference in the way I live my life (Romans 8:1-2, 8:38-39).  If God is for me in such an astounding way, then what does it matter what man does to me (Psalm 118:6)?  Or how much heartache I face?  Or how my enemy lures me into doubt and fear?  There is no match for my Father who has my heart so I, as His child, know that I am always loved and accepted.

The secret to a steady heart is to know I am declared righteous by faith and my right standing with God can never be shaken.

Trusting.  Trusting God means believing He has a plan in the midst of the chaos.  Believing God is sovereign is not about me trying to understand the mechanism by which He will save me but to only know that it is His mission to bring about my salvation.  My faith in the Lord is less about the odds of success and more about the enormous size of my God (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Therefore, when I place my full weight on God's faithful nature, my heart is firmly entrenched in His trustworthiness.  It's not so much that I believe I'm able to walk the path I'm called to walk, but that I know that my own weakness is not too big of an obstacle for God to overcome.  In other words, my trust in God is more about God's strength than in my weaknesses.  It's more about God's trustworthy nature than my unreliable one.  It's more about who God is than who I am.  And so, my trusting heart gives me confidence to step out in faith, to bet my life on God, which is really no gamble at all. 

The secret to a steady heart is to take a chance on the God who will never let me down.  

Triumphant.  I have an enemy who constantly tempts me to falter in my faith, who consistently tries to remind me of who I was before I met Christ and get me to believe I'm still that same wretched being, who is always at work attempting to lure me back into past sin, future strongholds and tempting distractions.  Even though the attacks of Satan and his minions are relentless, in Christ I am triumphant over them.  How so?  Because in Christ, I'm on the winning side!

And so I can say to my tempter, as Pastor John Piper suggested, "You're out of your mind.  Who wants to join forces with a loser?"  There truly is no weapon formed against me that can prevail because God is the glorious Victor (Isaiah 54:17).  And when I take up His sword and I place my allegiances in His camp, I join in the victory.  

This means my helplessness is only an illusion.  The reality is that in Christ I have the unlimited power of God on my side!  It means my hopelessness is only a misconception on my part.  In reality I have all the hope in the world through Christ!  It means my powerlessness against enormous odds is a deception of the enemy.  In reality I have the favor of a God with unlimited resources.

The secret to a steady heart is to remember I am on the winning side.

When do I despair, giving in to fear?  It's usually because I forget my firm standing in Christ, the unfathomable character of my God, and the triumph of God's mission here on earth.  When I remember these truths, I will have discovered the secret of a steady heart.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can keep focused on God's character instead of getting distracted by the problems that overwhelm.

When do I feel unworthy of His love?

How am I forgetting I am on the winning side and that my enemy is a loser?  He knows it, but he is testing me to see if I know it.    

Gospel of Yet

"Our ancestors in Egypt

were not impressed by the LORD's miraculous deeds.

They soon forgot his many acts of kindness to them.

Instead, they rebelled against him at the Red Sea.

Even so, he saved them--

to defend the honor of his name

and to demonstrate his mighty power."

Psalm 106:7-8 NLT

Yet.  This one word is a beautiful symbol of the Gospel story.  I am a hopeless sinner, yet He loves me enough to send His son to die in order to redeem me (Romans 5:8).  I am unfaithful, yet He is faithful.  I forget Him and His desires for me, yet He remembers His promises.

This is the Gospel of yet.

Wickedness.  I live for me.  I am bent on doing things my way, following the destructive route, finding out the hard way.  My heart is blackened, corrupted by sin (Psalm 51:5, Romans 3:10-18).  I can't always do the right thing, even when I try.  I am selfish to the core.

Still, Jesus came to earth as a man, giving Himself as the perfect sin offering, the One who has no sin became sin for me (2 Corinthians 5:21).  Why would He do such a thing?  Who dies for his enemy, for the one who betrays him by her lifestyle, her attitude, her unbelief (Romans 5:6)?  Jesus does.  Out of His great love, He made the ultimate sacrifice, paid the steepest of prices, committed the unthinkable act.  He took my place, my rightful position on the cross and died the death that was meant for me so that I could live the life He intended for me to live.

The Gospel of yet gives every hopeless sinner the hope of an abundant, eternal life through faith in Christ.

Doubt.  I doubt His power.  I see the problems rearing up their ugly heads, looming over me like an overwhelming Godzilla and I can't take my eyes off them.  Meanwhile, God is beside me, waiting to do what He does best; fight my battles, give me peace in the midst of it, and empower me to live out my faith.  I doubt, wondering what can be done to help me.

Still, God uses His sovereign power on my behalf.  My unbelief doesn't diminish His ability to do what needs to be done to rescue me, to help me, to comfort me.  For His namesake, since I belong to Him and have claimed His name as my own, as my family name, He will take care of me as my Father.  Then, all the world will know that He is God and give praise to Him for what He does in my life (Exodus 14:30-31, Isaiah 37:20). And my faith in Him grows while I become a walking testimony to Christ.

The Gospel of yet shows God's faithfulness to even His doubting people for His namesake.

Memory Loss.  I forget.  I have seen the might of His hand in many ways.  I have experienced multiple examples of His love for me.  Even so, I tend to forget the committment I made to Christ as I try to live as if He didn't die for me.  I take sin lightly, allowing it in and corrupting my mind with the ways of the world (Romans 12:2, Ephesians 5:3)  I forget I am set aside for His purposes, living instead according to my fleshly desires (Philippians 4:8-9).

Still, He remembers His promise to me.  He does not forget I am His daughter by faith in Jesus.  He doesn't disown me because of my faithlessness.  No matter how many times I turn away from Him, He doesn't leave me nor forsake me.  It is His desire that I walk in His Spirit, becoming a slave to righteousness, but my own failures do not void His promise to redeem me (Galatians 5:16, Romans 6:19).

The Gospel of yet demonstrates the strength of God's promises that will never be broken.

It is clear that I am unworthy, incapable of sinlessness, 100% infallible faith, and perfect memory, thus demonstrating my need for the Gospel of yet.  I desperately need a Savior who came to die for me while I'm in my sinful state, to be faithful even when I doubt, and to exhibit a constant dedication to His memory despite the fact that I forget.  This is the Gospel of yet.  This is the Good News of Jesus Christ!

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can trust God enough to give my life to Him through faith in Jesus Christ.

When do I tend to doubt God's ability to save me?

How am I forgetful of God's desire for me to live purely?

Golden Calf

"When the people saw that Moses was so long

in coming down from the mountain,

they gathered around Aaron and said,

'Come, make us gods who will go before us.

As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt,

we don't know what has happened to him.'"

Exodus 32:1

The din of a wild party reached his ears as he descended the mountain.  After spending forty days listening only to the sound of the Lord our God's voice, the raucous carousing assaulted his holy ears.  As he rounded the corner at the bottom of the mountain he saw it: what used to be jewelry formed into the shape of a calf.  What were they thinking?  What is wrong with these people? (Exodus 32)

As hard as it is for me to believe that the people of Israel would so quickly and easily abandon the God who delivered them from the bondage of slavery, if I am honest with myself, I may find the same adulterous attitude in my own heart.  While I don't go so far as to make an image out of something created and offer sacrifices to it, there are times I turn to other things or people during certain times in my life.  What can set my heart to stray?

Waiting

Sarai and Abram had waited ten long years for a child after God had promised to make Abram into a great nation.  Even though God had confirmed this promise some time later, giving him a vivid vision of the covenant the Lord made with him, Abram still wondered how his descendants could receive this vast land if he didn't even have a son. (Genesis 15) 

"Honey, I've been thinking.  I know how stressful this time of waiting for a child has been.  Since the Lord has closed my womb, there must be another way He expects us to go about bearing a child.  I think I have the solution; why don't you sleep with my Egyptian servant?  This way, you will have a child that God can use to fulfill His great promise."

The plan sounded good to Abram.  Ten years is a long time to wait for God to act.  Surely He didn't mean for it to take this long.  Yes, there must be a part he needed to play and this seemed like just the thing.  What a time to celebrate!  The child of promise would soon be born! (Genesis 16:1-3)

Interestingly, God rejected this child of their own plan and the couple had to wait an additional 15 years before Sarai, then renamed as Sarah, would bear her own child.  Isaac would become the child through whom the blessing would be fulfilled. (Genesis 21:1-7)

It is hard to wait for God to meet a need, bring about a vision, or fulfill a promise made.  When it takes longer than I care to wait, I may do as Sarai did, thinking there is a part I'm expected to play.  While I have grown up hearing that God helps those who help themselves, the principle behind this common saying is not rooted in truth.  Instead, I learn from God's Word that when I wait on the Lord, putting all my hope in Him and letting Him choose the timetable, method and means, I will be renewed in my strength and given power to persevere as I let God take the reigns. (Isaiah 40:31)

While it is not easy to wait, letting God lead is always the better option.  Turning to other solutions means I have given up on the Lord.  Even though I may not consciously mean to abandon my faith, that is exactly what I do when I take matters into my own hands instead of waiting for God to provide in His perfect time.

Placing my trust in other people or solutions during a long period of waiting on the Lord is a way that I worship my own golden calf.

Expectation

The land had been promised long ago.  By all accounts, it was an abundant land filled with giant grapes, luscious pomegranates, delectable figs and many good things.  It was described as a land flowing with milk and honey; it seemed ideal!  The only problem was the people who lived there: They would not easily give up their precious land, creating for them ferocious opponents and an impossible obstacle.  This is not what the people of Israel expected when God said He would give them a land to call their own.  (Numbers 13:25-33)

I can relate to the plight of God's people.  There are many times when God supplies my needs, answers my prayers or solves my problems in ways I don't expect.  When I carry a certain expectation, assuming that God will give me what I want, when I want it and how I want it, I can count on the fact that I will be disappointed.

Instead of expecting God to work in the way I as a mere human operate, I would be wise to trust God to do as He sees fit, watching and waiting expectantly for Him to blow my mind with His creative response.  I limit God when I assume He'll work my way.  

When I need relief from a painful situation, instead of delivering me from it like I expect, He may give me more grace so I can persevere through it.  When my bills are mounting and my pay is shrinking, I may think the answer is more income.  In His infinite wisdom, however, God may have a lesson for me in the middle of the struggle, choosing instead to delay recovery in order to teach me gratitude and give me an opportunity to improve my stewardship.  When I think the answer to my struggles is found in delivery from it, God may choose to leave them as a thorn in my side that will keep me humbly reliant on Him.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Expecting God to work in a way I deem as best is one way I turn to my own golden calf.

Doubt

"Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?"

"No, He said we can eat our fill from every tree except the one in the center.  Of that tree, we must not touch or we'll die."

"How absurd!  You won't die! God knows that once you partake of that fruit, your eyes will be opened and you'll know good from evil.  Die?  Preposterous!" (paraphrased from Genesis 3:1-6)

And with that seed of doubt planted firmly in Eve's mind, she began to consider the off-limits tree, something about which she had never before thought.  Doubt is a powerful enemy of my faith.  When I begin to question what I know to be the truth, I am headed down a path that takes me away from God and His perfect plan for my life.

In contrast, faith believes without seeing, never needing to understand something completely in order to trust it but simply knowing that if God said it, there is no need for further scrutiny.  When I am tempted to question what I know to be true, then I would be wise to turn away from doubt and remind myself of the truth as I have learned it.

For instance, when I know God has placed me in a certain position for His purposes, I can stand firm.  If I am tempted to look for a new job, doubting His sovereignty because the atmosphere is difficult and full of strife, I must remind myself that I am salt and light in a lost and darkened world. (Matthew 5:13-16)

Other times I may wonder how God could possibly use my testimony to touch anyone's life for Christ.  Instead of questioning the power of my story of salvation, I can remind myself I am a sinner who has been plucked from the jaws of death and freely given the gift of life for all of eternity.  (Romans 5:6-11)  What is more powerful than that?

Sometimes I even wonder if I'm on the wrong track because things seem to be going in a way that is difficult and causes much suffering.  I start to wonder if I might have heard God wrong, or maybe I misinterpreted His message because surely this can't be His plan for my life.  It is then that I can remind myself that God brings good out of every situation and there's nothing I can do to counteract this goodness.  (Romans 8:28)

Nurturing the seeds of doubt planted by my Enemy is another way I turn to my own golden calf.

I have never seen anyone make for themselves an idol made of gold, silver or wood.  Still, idol worship is a big problem in this day and age.  While I don't intend to stray from my faith in the One True God, I do have a tendency to wander away from Him.  I am guilty of making my own golden calf when I lose my patience while waiting, expect God to work in a way I desire and doubt what I know to be true.  It is my desire that I would stand strong this day as I trust solely and completely in the Lord.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can trust God without giving into the temptation to go my own way.

When do I buy into the lies Satan tries to sell me?

How am I losing faith in God by leaning more on what I think than on the truth?        

He Has an App For That!

"Now go,

for I am sending you to Pharaoh.

You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt."

Exodus 3:10 NLT

"There's an app for that."

Remember Apple's popular catchphrase that set the world on fire?  They were promoting their iPhone in 2009 when this memorable advertising campaign first hit the airwaves.  The idea was that any need or issue a user had could be solved or fulfilled with one of their nifty software applications.

While a computer company is stretching it a bit in making the claim that they can answer any question or satisfy any thirst, but God can easily declare that truth.  No matter what He calls me to, He always has a comeback for any excuse I can make.

Identity Crisis

"Who am I?"  Moses asked.  "I'm not cut out for a job like this!  I'm not a leader!  I can't do what you're asking!" (paraphrased from Exodus 3:11)

Can you relate?  When God gently introduces an idea into my mind, I often balk at the very thought.  I try to picture myself doing what He has suggested and I just can't see it.  Instead, I remember all the times I've failed in the past or I think of all the people who would be better suited or I rely on my own lenses through which to see myself.

God, however, calls me not because I am well-suited or completely prepared.  He knows perfectly well that I can't do what He has asked of me.  What He wants to know is if I know it.  He wants me to get to the point where I say to Him, "I know I am completely unable to accomplish this task, but I know who You are, and I have complete faith that You can achieve this mission through me.  I trust You enough to accept this calling."

The answer to the question "Who am I?" is this:  "I am a sinner saved by grace so even though I can't, I choose to believe that God can."

Knowledge Deficit

"I don't know enough about You and Your ways.  What if the people ask a question I can't answer?"  (paraphrased from v 11-12)  It seems Moses was picturing himself standing before the people of Israel, telling them of God's plan when all they could do is protest.  He could hear the voices of dissent, asking him all sorts of questions to which he had no answers.

I can relate.  It seems I often use this excuse to reject God's calling on my life.  Teach Sunday School?  Lead a Bible study?  Write a blog?  I don't have all the answers.  In fact, I don't know much at all.  What if I fail?

What I must always remember is that God can't fail!  If I take a look at Isaiah 55:10-11, I am reassured that God always accomplishes what He wants to with His Word.  It never returns empty but always produces fruit.  Therefore, if I am faithful to read His Word, use it to encourage, apply it and talk about it wherever I go, God will make sure it brings forth a harvest.

The answer to the question, "What if I fail?" is this: "I may not know enough, but my success or failure is not dependent upon my readiness but on God's faithfulness."

Credibility Issues

"What if they don't believe me?  What if they think I'm making the whole thing up?  What if I turn to go and no one follows?" (Exodus 4:1-9)

As one who has worked with youth, I can truly relate to this fear.  There are many times when I am speaking and it seems no one is listening.  Or I am searching for an attentive countenance among a sea of deadpan looks or faces that are clearly saying, I don't care.  When is this gonna be over so I can get on with my life?

Teenagers can be a tough crowd, but what I have to remember is this:  If God calls me to deliver a certain message, I can be confident that His power will draw those people who need to hear what I have to say.  

So when I'm afraid to talk to my coworker because we have never really gotten along, I can remember that the favor of the Lord will be upon me and will incline her heart toward the message she needs so desperately.  Or when I fear rejection as I answer God's call to reach out to the homeless, I can be sure that He'll open the ears of those who were meant to hear.  Or when I answer His summons to enter into prison ministry but I'm afraid no one will listen to me because I come from a different background, I can walk forward in confidence knowing that the favor of the One who is in me will make the words I say strike a chord with someone.

The answer to the question,"What if no one listens?" is this: The power of God will prepare the hearts of those who need the message.

Matters of Insecurity

"Okay, let's get real.  You know full well that I've never been good at speaking.  I can hear what You're saying, but if I try to do what You are proposing, the words will never get out.  My tongue will get tied and I'll end up looking like a fool as I stand there with my mouth open."  (paraphrased from Exodus 4:10-12)

Everyone has insecurities and Moses was no exception.  He was like most humans and held a deep fear of speaking in public.  In fact, it sounds like he suffered from some kind of speech impediment.  The task God had asked Him to accomplish was probably a manifestation of his worst nightmare come true.

Many times God does call us to face our deepest fears.  He doesn't want us to hold anything back from Him and often He helps us get over these insecurities by calling us on the very thing we dread the most.  

It could be I say I would never go somewhere that had creepy crawlies but then He calls me to the mission field of a remote, underdeveloped country that is known for its wide array of insects.  Or maybe I think I could never get over my fear of heights.  Then I am suddenly offered a job on the top floor of a skyscraper and given an office covered in windows.  Or I may tell myself I could never in a million years get over the panic that seizes my heart at the thought of living alone.  Before I know it, I find God placing me in a solitary existence.

There is nothing that is impossible with God.  Therefore, the only thing holding me back is my own doubt in what God can do with His own creation.  

The answer to the excuse, "I'm afraid," is this:  All responsibility for accomplishing the task before me lies in the hands of God.

Whatever I can dish out, God can take it.  When I forget who I am, He reminds me it is not my identity I must focus on, but His.  When I think success or failure depends on me, He reminds me it is a question of His faithfulness and it is impossible for Him to fail.  When I'm afraid no one will listen, He reminds me it is His job to open the hearts of those who need to hear.  And when I doubt that I can do what God has called me to, He reminds me that all responsibility lies on His shoulders.  No matter what my excuse, God has an app for that!

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can trust God enough to take Him at His word.

When do I falsely think the success of a mission lies in my hands?

How am I forgetting the power of God in the way I respond to His calling on my life?

Double Minded

"If any of you lacks wisdom,

let him ask God,

who gives generously to all without reproach,

and it will be given him.

But let him ask in faith,

with no doubting,

for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea

that is driven and tossed by the wind.

For that person must not suppose

that he will receive anything from the Lord;

he is a double-minded man,

unstable in all his ways."

James 1:5-8 ESV

Waves crashed around the mighty ship, threatening to take her under the dark waters.  Still, she steamed forward toward her destination, her forward progress not hampered by the surf.  In contrast, a nearby vessel with less integrity and strength took a beating from the storm.  No matter how hard her Skipper tried to keep her on course, she was tossed around by the waves like a toy boat in a bathtub full of rambunctious toddlers.

I'm like that second ship when I doubt.  I am always seeking God's will for my life, wanting to know which direction I should go next.  The problem, however, lies with what happens in my mind.  I don't always ask with a humble heart, ready to hear whatever He tells me.  Sometimes I've ruled some things out before God even speaks, thinking there's no way I could do such a thing, like forgive an enemy, speak to a group of people or step outside my area of expertise.

I can't expect an answer when I hold onto doubt.  This uncertainty takes on many forms, each as malicious as the other.

Contradiction

I remember watching Zoom on PBS when I was growing up.  One of the regular features on the show was a mysterious character named Fannee Doolee.  She loved anything with double letters, but hated whatever did not, even if it was the same thing.  For instance, Fannee Doolee loves sweets but hates candy, or she loves trees but hates forests.  Basically, she was a walking contradiction.

While Fannee Doolee might inspire kids (and adults) to think creatively, she would drive me nuts if she were a real person.  As silly as she sounds, though, I sometimes act just as irrationally in the way I live my life.  On the one hand I say that God can do anything and that nothing is impossible with Him, but then I go against what I just proclaimed by doubting He can use me in the way He suggests.

In this way, I am a walking contradiction, proclaiming one thing with my mouth yet not quite grasping hold of it in my way of thinking.  Jesus reminds me of the importance of faith when making an appeal to God.  He said I can command a mountain to throw itself in the sea and it will happen if I believe it will come to pass, without doubting.  (Mark 11:22-24)

Doubt leads to a contradictory spirit that cannot hear from God.

Waver

The little lambs followed their beloved shepherd, listening to his gentle voice as he lovingly led them to the green pastures.  Suddenly a different sound accosted their ears; one that seemed quiet and calm but this voice evoked a different response.  The heartbeats of the little lambs beat furiously within their chests and they began to panic, unsure whether or not their shepherd was still there.  Maybe he had abandoned them in favor of another herd.  Perhaps he left them in the care of this new master.  They grew confused and wavered in their mind.

While these sheep knew their leader's voice, the sound of another, similar, shepherd caused them to question.  I do the same thing.  Jesus is my Good Shepherd and I recognize His voice. (John 10:14)  Sometimes, though, I begin to get confused when I listen to other, quite similar voices guiding me in a different direction.  Instead of going where Jesus leads me, I begin to doubt, wondering if maybe that other voice is really the one I should be following.

It's not so much that I intentionally turn away from God as I am lured away by a deceiving spirit that sounds deceptively similar.  Then, I lose my confidence in my ability to pick out my Lord's voice.  I begin to question, Maybe I'm just hearing my own thoughts or wishes; Is Satan playing games with me, disguising himself as God? 

Doubt leads me to waver until I can no longer distinguished God's voice.

Control

He was determined to get his own way and he would stay on the floor crying and carrying on until he lost his voice if that was what it took.  It wasn't really about the candy; this toddler wanted to gain control over his life.  Tempter tantrums can be effective tools for preschoolers, and sometimes even for adults!  If I put up enough of a fuss, people will get tired of my antics and gladly welcome the peace that comes with compromise.

When I try to use this same tactic with God, however, it backfires.  I cannot expect to get my way and desire His will at the same time:  Either I get to be god of my own life, or I let Jesus hold that position.  How many times do I betray my doubt in God's sovereign plan by insisting on keeping the reigns of my life firmly grasped within my fists?

Doubt leads me to seek control so that I cannot hear from God about His plan.

How often I ask God to reveal His plan for my life but I harbor doubt within my mind.  This disbelief comes out when my uncertainty in God as everything I proclaim Him to be is revealed in the way I doubt.  Listening to other voices also throws me off until I can no longer recognize God's voice in the fray.   Finally, everyone can see who is really lord of my life by whose plan I am following.  In these ways I am double-minded and easily thrown off course.  Instead, it is my desire to be wholly focused on Jesus as my Lord.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can stop thinking two ways and completely surrender to God.

How does my doubt lead to confusion in trying to hear God's voice?

When do I think my situation is the exception to the rule that nothing is impossible with God?    

   

Sober Judgment

"For by the grace given me

I say to every one of you:

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought,

but rather think of yourself with sober judgment,

in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you."

Romans 12:3

When I was competing in the sport of bodybuilding, I looked in the mirror quite a bit.  It wasn't that I was vain, although that particular pursuit does lend itself to vanity and narcissism, but more that I was gauging my progress as I prepared for a contest.  Self-reflection, though, is not always accurate.  Either I found that I would determine my progress to be better than it really was, or I would think I looked worse than I really did.  Whichever way I judged myself, it was impossible for me to give an objective evaluation of my own physique.

Once contest day came, however, I would stand before a panel of judges who would form an opinion on the development of my muscles, the leanness of my form and the overall proportion of my physique.  In short, the judges would make a decision based on reality, not on what I think I am.

It's not so different with my spiritual physique.  It's hard for me to objectively assess myself because there are many things that blur my vision.

Fear

It was his first mission as king, and he blew it.  Instead of doing as the Lord commanded and completely destroying the Amalekites and all their belongings, he captured their leader and spared all he deemed as good.  When confronted by Samuel as to his disobedience, Saul claimed innocence and the Lord was grieved that He had made Saul king of Israel.  (1 Samuel 15)

Saul mistakenly thought that being a leader meant that he got to call the shots according to what he thought best.  When caught in a transgression, he lied to cover his own reputation.  Instead of courageously facing the truth, he cowardly stuck to his story.

It's easy for me to fall into this same trap.  I am afraid to look at my sin for what it is: an affront to a holy God.  Other times I'd rather pretend my issues don't exist and simply go on living as if I'm in the right.  Still harder is it for me to admit to a sin: What will people think of me?

Fear can hold me back from honestly scrutinizing my thoughts, speech and behavior patterns and seeing it the way God does.  I can let go of the dread I feel when I think of all the ways I fall short of God's standard because He has forgiven me through the blood of the perfect Lamb.(1 John 4:18)  

Due to this unspeakable sacrifice, I can boldly hold my darkest sin in the light, looking at it from all sides before turning away from it in victory.  I needn't take myself so seriously that I think that sin will be the end of me for Jesus has made sure that won't happen. (1 Corinthians 15:57)  

Instead, I can lighten up and realize that I am no different than any other human who ever lived: I am plagued with sin.  Thankfully, I am also washed clean by the blood of my Savior, giving me the freedom to live as one who is not condemned. (Romans 8:1)

Fear holds me back from sober judgment but the redemption that comes through Jesus Christ gives me courage to see myself as I truly am.

Pride

He thought of himself as a god, puffing his chest as he strolled along the roof of his majestic palace.  "Look at this city of Babylon that I have built with my own might and power.  This, the most beautiful city in the world, is a testament to my grand magnificence."

No sooner had the words left his lips than God began humbling King Nebuchadnezzar.  (Daniel 4)  The man became as an animal, sleeping out under the stars, grazing like a cow and forsaking all grooming.  After seven years, his sanity came back to him and he humbly acknowledged God as sovereign over all things.

Nebuchadnezzar is not the only one who needs humbling.  There are many times when I don't like to reveal my sin, thinking it is demeaning to my position to admit I'm wrong or that I will lose respect from those around me.

When I put my own reputation or status first, I am failing to give God this honored position in my life.  With this distorted sens of priorities, if He desires to place me where I receive no thanks or appreciation for my work, I probably will ignore His call.  When I'm more focused on me than God, I'll miss out on the opportunities to see Him work through me because I'm worried about how it will look to others.  

Humbly admitting to my sin is the most powerful relational tool I can use.  When I am honest, others will respect my openness and feel more comfortable to confess their own struggles, starting an avalanche of forgiveness.

Pride holds me back from sober judgment but humility comes as I place God's kingdom before my own.

Doubt

They did it again.  The people who were called by God to be His own people had turned against Him, doing their own thing.  When God sent the oppressive power of the Midianites to discipline them, they cried out to God in their distress.  Out of His love for them, He sent a prophet to remind them of their calling to stay faithful to God.  Then, He called on a mighty warrior; a hero to deliver them.  (Judges 6)

The thing is, this savior didn't seem so brave and courageous at first.  He doubted the message from God, asking how it was that the Lord had been with them if his people were in such dire straits?  God reassured him that He Himself was sending Gideon out against the enemy of his people.  He hesitated again, "but I'm from the weakest clan and as feeble as we are, I am the smallest one out of everyone in my family!  I'm no mighty warrior!"

It was clear who Gideon believed God to be at this point: small and incapable of saving his people.  Even though things turned out pretty well for Gideon and his 300 soldiers as they defeated a force of multitudes too many to count, he didn't start out with the kind of faith that believes God can do more with the weakest man committed to Him than the strongest man can do without God.  (1 Corinthians 1:25)

How many times do I doubt God's power when I'm faced with overwhelming obstacles, like when the bills are adding up to more than my income?  God can deliver me if I trust Him with my finances.  Sometimes my physical pain is more than I can handle.  God can give me strength to endure if I trust Him with my health.  Other times I'm afraid my family will forget about me and leave me all alone.  God is the comforter and father to the fatherless as well as a husband to the widow.  He can be my all in all if I trust Him with that mission.  

Doubt holds me back from sober judgment but faith will come if I give God a chance to work in my life.

I don't always see myself as I really am.  If I can let go of the fear I sometimes have of seeing my sin, the pride that places my own wants and needs above God and the doubt that betrays my lack of faith in the power of God to transform, then my eyes will be opened.  As I take on the perspective that God gives to me, I will be able to judge myself with a clear conscience.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can let go of the fear that so often holds me back.

When am I afraid to intentionally look at my sin?  How does this work to build a stronghold of sin in my life?

How do I betray my lack of faith in God when I doubt His ability to bring about change?