A Search for Honesty

"LORD, you are searching for honesty.

You struck your people,

but they paid no attention.

You crushed them,

but they refused to be corrected.

They are determined, with faces set like stone;

they have refused to repent."

Jeremiah 5:3 NLT

Is there anyone who can be trusted to do the right thing, to treat others fairly, to speak the truth, to live authentically?  Who can I look to as an example, knowing they are imitating Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1)?  Is there anyone who is on track?  Which teaching is godly instruction meant to point me in the right direction?

And dare I ask the more sobering question: Can I be counted on as one who is honest, a seeker of truth?  Here are some things to consider.

Humble.  I had finally taken the plunge and agreed to venture into territory I long feared to tread.  My neighbor and good friend convinced me to attend the women's group at a local church.  As part of a weekly program, many Bible studies were offered and we both decided we would benefit from learning how to better love our husbands.  As we settled into that group on the first day, I was nervous yet excited to try this new experience of sharing with other women while we studied God's Word together in a search for greater understanding into our roles as wives.  I soon learned, however, the importance of humility as the leader claimed no strife had ever entered into her marital relationship.  As I wondered if it could be true that she and her husband had never argued nor uttered a cross word to each other, I realized this was a woman who could never understand my struggles, relate to my failures, or get where I'm coming from as a not-so-loving wife.  While I did finish out the series, I took everything she said with a grain of salt and never found true community within that little group.  The pressure of conforming to perfection was just too great to foster an atmosphere of trust.

I learned the importance of humility through that first venture into the world of women's Bible study, finding out how much more beneficial it is to come alongside one other, identifying myself as the worst of sinners, no better than anyone else (1 Timothy 1:15) .  When I'm upfront about my own sin struggles, weaknesses and failures, the barriers come down and true community is formed. It gives others hope for themselves when they see what God has done in one sinner's life.  When I pretend I'm perfect, however, that I'm above others, it only makes me out to be a hypocrite because every man has a heart blackened by sin (Romans 3:23, Psalm 53:2-3).  In fact, the pretension itself is rooted in the sin of pride and betrays my carefully groomed veneer, so why try to present myself as having it all together when its so obvious that I don't?  Much fruit comes when I humble myself and show my true state as a sinner who is graciously and miraculously restored to right standing with God through repentance and faith in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).

I am living humbly if I'm willing to share my struggles, open up about my failures, and reveal my weaknesses.

Authentic.  For a reason that probably has something to do with my sin nature, it's easy for me to lie when asked certain questions.  For instance, if my husband the college student goes into great detail about the finer points of the Hebrew language and then asks if I understand, I will readily say, "Yes!" hoping my response will bring to an end his desire to share his newly-found knowledge.  Or if my foreign friend asks if I'd like to try the eyeball as we dine on a fish that's proudly displayed in its entirety on a platter between the two of us, I'll tell her I'm too full to eat another bite.  Or if a friend asks if everything is alright when I'm feeling quite vulnerable, I'll tell her "Sure, I'm fine!" and give her my best smile.  Sometimes the truth can seem too difficult to speak.

While it might be necessary to not always be brutally honest when it comes to my relationships with people, it's another story with God.  It is His desire that I always tell the truth to Him, reveal my true feelings, my hurts, my desires.  While I may not always feel safe to do so with humans, I can always trust God to handle my innermost thoughts with great care.  In fact, He already knows what's going on inside of me so I'm not really fooling Him when I put up a front with Him (Psalm 139:1-6).  He doesn't want me to say what I think He wants to hear, but would rather hear that I am honest with Him.  This is how I can show Him that I trust Him fully, and there's nothing that will draw us closer.

I am living authentically if I'm honest with God about the true state of my heart.

Manipulation.  "Oh, I thought you were sisters!"  the salesman gushes to me and my daughter as he attempts to win my favor so he can sell me a car.  Another time a telemarketer told me "You sound like a smart woman," with the hopes that I'd feel empowered to trust our savings to his investment firm.  At the local department store, a sweet young college student boosted my ego by saying the sweater I tried on really brought out the blue in my eyes.  Flattery is a common tactic used by salespeople.

I, too, can say things to try to get what I want.  It's surprising how often I have an ulterior motive when going through my days.  I want to promote my ministry so I look for opportunities to steer the conversation toward my pet issue.  Or it makes me feel more valuable when I'm involved in a popular pursuit so I do all I can to get the word out about the Bible study I lead, or the group I'm a part of, or the book I've written.  It's not so much that I want God to be glorified and others to find a great intimacy with Him, which I do, but my greater drive is to increase my happiness, improve my self-image, boost my feeling of well-being.  Instead, may I learn to truly seek God's kingdom as my primary motivation.  

I am living free from manipulation if my only goal is to live for an audience of One.

It's obvious that the world is filled with people who cannot be trusted to do the right thing or live the right way.  But if I look within, I find that I'm no better.  If I want God to be pleased with my heart I will need to humble myself to the point that I'm willing to live transparently before others, operate authentically in my relationship with Him, and stop my manipulative ways designed to get me what I want.  Then if God conducts a search for honesty, He'll find what He's looking for in me.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can live authentically in my relationship with God.

When do I pretend all is well, keeping my prayers superficial instead of opening up about the deep hurts in my heart?

How do I try to get people to do what I want instead of seeking to honor God in everything?