Attentive God

"You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book."

Psalm 56:8 NLT

Living in a harsh, cold world is hard.  Following a peculiar Savior is difficult.  There is an enemy of my soul who does his best to trip me up, to plant seeds of doubt and cultivate a heart of fear within me.  Even though I have all hope in Christ, this adversary bombards me with messages of worry and dread, tempting me to fall into hopelessness and despair.  The grief and heartache I feel is palpable.  Does God care?  Does He notice?

Yes, He does.  He is an attentive God!

Wanderings.  All I want to do is hide away somewhere safe where trouble will not find me.  I search high and low for such a place, a refuge from the harshness of this world.  Even though I find some solace in my chosen haven whether it be throwing myself in work, drowning my sorrows in drink, or trying to forget by pursuing sensual pleasures, the hurt is still there.  No matter what I do, I cannot escape the torment that is within.  Am I good enough?  What is my purpose?  What's the point of all this suffering?

I may feel all alone in the midst of the struggle, like no one cares and God is not listening.  The truth is, however, that He keeps track of everything I do to try to comfort myself, all the places I flee to for refuge, all the ways I try to forget.  My loving Father doesn't miss a thing.  

Not only does He notice, but He takes account of all my many wanderings.  This is a God who knows me intimately.  Therefore, I can trust Him with my deepest fears, my greatest struggles, and my darkest secrets.  He is a God who keeps account.

God is attentive to all the ways I try to escape from the heartache found in this world.

Tears.  I cry myself to sleep.  I steel away to the restroom and lock myself in a stall and shed my tears.  In front of others, I put on a  happy face but in private, the weeping commences unchecked.  No one knows how many tears I have shed over the sorrow of my soul. 

No one, that is, except for my Father who loves me.  He not only sees, but He has collected those tears and stored them in a bottle, so precious are they to Him.  My heartache is not trivial or meaningless.  He does not look at me and call me overly sensitive or too emotional.  His heart is moved by my bitter weeping.

There was a man who was king of Judah.  This man loved God and was devoted to Him but one day he became sick to the point of death.  Isaiah the prophet came to him and told him the time had come to set his affairs in order, for his life would soon end.  Hezekiah mourned over the thought of his death.  He pleaded with the Lord to save him, and then "he broke down and wept bitterly." (2 Kings 20:3b)

God didn't just say to Himself, "Sheesh, this guy has to face the facts, suck it up and accept his lot in life."  Instead, He had compassion, saying, "I have heard your prayer and seen your tears.  I will heal you. . ." (v5)

God hears my prayers, and every tear I shed is precious to Him.

Record.  Several years ago I began the practice of keeping what I call a "Stones of Remembrance Journal."  In this book, I record all the feats of God, the big and small evidences of His hand in my life.  When I go back and review what I've recorded, I am often amazed at how much happens all at once.  When I'm in the midst of it, I may take it all in stride, taking for granted much of His handiwork.  But when I read the entries in this journal, the scope of His power at work in my life becomes more evident.

God keeps a similar record of my life.  He takes note of my sufferings, my difficulties, my attempts to cope with everything that comes my way.  He doesn't roll His eyes, wondering when I'll trust Him enough to enter into the rest He has prepared for me (Hebrews 4:9-11).  He doesn't give up and move onto someone else when I forget to pray to Him instead of worrying and fretting (Philippians 4:6-7).  He doesn't sigh in frustration, doubting whether I'll ever get my act together and stop relying on my own strength instead of His (Isaiah 40:28-31).

My heavenly Father keeps a record of all my difficulties, all the ways I fail, all my sufferings, not so He can gloat over them or use them as ammunition to humiliate me as man might do.  My compassionate God does so in order to honor the life I live, to make much of all the ways I have suffered in following Him, to keep from taking lightly my heartache.  It's not trivial to me, and it certainly is not a small thing to God.  He loves me that much.

God keeps a record of all my struggles in life, so dear am I to Him.

Yes, I agree:  Life is hard.  It is even more difficult when I consider that I am following a Savior whose ways are upside down and backwards from this world's.  As a result, I have much opposition in life from the enemy of my soul.  Even so, I can take solace in the fact that my God is attentive to my struggles.  He keeps count of all the ways I attempt to cope, the tears I shed are seen as significant to Him, and He keeps a record of the difficulties I face.  My God is not aloof and uncaring.  No, my Father is an attentive God!

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can take solace in the fact that God sees and takes note of every heartache I endure.

When do I feel like I suffer alone, with no one who cares?

How does this aloneness increase my heartache?  Would knowing God is deeply moved by my tears bring some comfort?      

Kingdom Tempo

"Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints,

and give thanks to his holy name.

For his anger is but for a moment,

and his favor is for a lifetime.

Weeping may tarry for the night,

but joy comes with the morning."

Psalm 30:4-5 ESV

I have found that I tend to expect life to go at a certain pace and have learned through experience to see things with warped insight.  For example, I hate to suffer and don't like seeing others hurt but life has dealt so many blows that I expect misery to remain like a faithful friend.  Likewise, anger tends to linger in my own heart, coloring my perspective and sucking the life out of me like a deadly leach.  Furthermore, if I look deep within, I find that I expect rejection and ill-treatment as a way of life because of my own depravity: I know it's what I truly deserve.

God, however, does not operate according to my faulty expectations.  He has His own timing that reflects His perfect character.  Because of this, I must look to His Word to learn the superior tempo to which God marches.

His Anger.  It's hard for me to shake it.  When I'm hurt, offended or sense my boundaries being crossed, it rises up within me, overwhelming my entire being like an unwelcome tenant.  If things go differently than the way I hope they will turn out, it revives from it's latent state, always present though lying dormant.

Anger.  I sometimes feel like Dr. Bruce Banner, the alter ego to the Marvel superhero Hulk.  He says his secret of transformation into the wrathful green beast is that he's always angry, that the rage is simmering just below the surface, ready to erupt at any time.  I can relate.  Because of this fleshly trait of mine, I expect God to be the same way, thinking that He's always ticked off but just holding it back for the sake of all of mankind.

In reality, scripture tells me that God's fury passes, He never keeps angry or holds a grudge against me (Psalm 103:9, Isaiah 26:20).  As a result, I can give thanks for such a God as this.  Even though He has every right to be angry due to my inability to adhere to his commands and my tendency to stray away from Him, He doesn't hold onto that righteous wrath in the same way I do.  

I can breathe easy because God's anger is but for a moment.

His Favor.  I am stingy with my praise and kindness.  I tend to only give something good to those I feel deserve it.  In fact, as a parent bringing up four girls, I often focused on what needed to be improved and had to intentionally work at giving positive affirmation for what they were doing well, otherwise I'd have been a harsh taskmaster.

Because of my flawed way of doling out approval and help to others, I tend to think God is the same way, expecting me to earn His favor.  Instead, God freely indulges me with His lovingkindness, giving me so much that I don't deserve.  His character is merciful and gracious and He loves to give me good things that I haven't earned, as a Father who enjoys making his child smile.

As hard as it is for me to fathom, this favor lasts forever.  Since it's based on His character and is not founded on a whim, it is not wishy-washy, sometimes there and other times not.  I can count on God to pour His lovingkindness into my life because of His dependability.

Therefore, there is nothing I can do to lose His favor (Romans 8:38-39).  I won't wake up one day finding myself on the outside looking in because God has lost His patience with me and abandoned me in disgust.  Because of what Jesus Christ has done for me in dying on the cross, I am securely in His good graces, the recipient of His lavish love (1 John 3:1).

I can breathe easy because God's favor lasts a lifetime.

His promise.  As hard as it is to go through something difficult in life, it is even more of a challenge to watch the ones I love endure hardship.  The suffering that ensues makes me want to rescue them from the hurt.  Instead, I can keep God's faithful promise in mind: Joy will come in the morning.

While this life here on earth can be hard to bear, what I have to look forward to in eternity through faith in Jesus Christ is beyond compare.  I cannot fathom the riches of glory that await me there, produced by all that I endure in this wicked world (2 Corinthians 4:17, Romans 8:17-18).  Therefore, I know suffering in this life is temporary and not in vain.

I can breathe easy because God's promise of coming glory can be trusted.

I am forever thankful that God does not live up to my puny and warped expectations.  Instead, He has His own agenda that is much superior to my own outlook on life.  While my anger seems to simmer just below the surface, God's is short-lived.  Even though I don't think I am worth many gifts, God's love compels Him to bestow His permanent favor upon me.  And while suffering seems to be a way of life here on earth, it is temporary: I can expect joy that will blow my socks off in the life to come!  This is God's superior sense of rhythm that rules the ebb and flow of my life of faith.  This is His kingdom tempo.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can trust God's unique tempo, letting Him run my life according to His own pace.

How do I trust in my own sense of warped timing, assuming God will operate according to what I expect? 

When do I think God will give me what I deserve instead of what He desires to lavish on me through Jesus?

True Freedom

"In the past you have encouraged many people;

you have strengthened those who were weak.

Your words have supported those who were falling;

you encouraged those with shaky knees.

But now when trouble strikes, you lose heart.

You are terrified when it touches you.

Doesn't your reverence for God give you confidence?

Doesn't your life of integrity give you hope?"

Job 4:3-6 NLT

Job's friends started off on the right foot.  They supported their friend in silence, sitting with him in loving comfort while he grieved the loss of his children and wealth.  It was their intention to console him in his suffering.  So deep was his sorrow and severe his physical condition that they hardly recognized him.  They mourned with him and recognized his suffering as "too great for words" (Job 2:13).

Then they opened their mouths.  

The first to speak, Eliphaz, had the audacity to rob Job of his need to lament.  Even worse, he failed to empathize, minimizing Job's suffering.  Somehow, this insensitive, cold-hearted friend had come to believe that life would be peachy-keen as long as one does the right thing.  Unfortunately for him, he fell into believing the fallacy of the formula for a happy, carefree life.

Power.  Life is what you make it.  

              You are the author of your own life story. 

              "Believe in yourself.  Have faith in your abilities.  Without a humble but reasonable                  confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy."  Norman                        Vincent Peale

              "If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's                     plan.  And guess what they have planned for you?  Not much."  Jim Rohn

I'm surrounded by worldly messages telling me to make my own way in life. That it's up to me whether or not I succeed.  I'm told that I have what it takes to make my life what I want it to be.  

Using this mindset, then, it follows that I have the power to live right, to plan my own destiny, to write my own ending.  Accordingly, it follows that it is up to me to go after the life I want without ever asking God what it is He has planned for me.  I end up applying my own limited capacity toward my efforts to be self-disciplined, trying hard to keep away from what is bad and stick to what is good.  Thinking I can conform my life into my own mold, I assume anyone who is experiencing hardship or trial must be doing something wrong.  All it takes, I reason, is for them to get back on track and things will fall into place.

In reality, I have neither the capacity to do good nor the ability to save myself (Romans 7:18-20).  I'm hopelessly lost without the God who graciously gives me each breathe I take (Acts 17:25).  Without Jesus, I am nothing and can do nothing of worth (John 15:5).  

Buying into the belief that I have the power to make something good out of my life denies God's sovereign power.

Pride.  "Look at this great city of Babylon!  By my own mighty power, I have built this beautiful city as my royal residence to display my majestic splendor" (Daniel 4:30 NLT).  Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon did not suffer from a lack of self-confidence.  He drew such pleasure in admiring his handiwork and liked to think it all came about by his own savvy planning, through the sweat of his brow and as a result of his hard-fought position and authority as king.

Then God set about humbling him.  After seven years of living like an animal in solitude among the beasts of the field, he acknowledged God's position, giving Him praise and glory (Daniel 4:28-37).  He came to know the hard way that, "those who walk in pride he is able to humble" (Daniel 4:37).

I often need a similar season of chastening.  I begin to think it was my hard work that got me where I am, that any success I enjoy is by the sweat of my brow, and while God may have opened the door, it wouldn't have flourished if it wasn't for my consistent effort.

The reality is that only God has the plan for my life and it is only His wisdom that can choose the right path for me.  Thinking otherwise drives me to judge others, determining that their struggle is due to a lack of focus or an unwillingness to apply common sense to their problems.  In other words, I begin to think I can fix anyone's problems by using my own formula for living.

In the same way that God placed Nebuchadnezzar in his position as king for His own purposes, He has a reason for placing me where I am (Jeremiah 27:4-7).  Once I begin to deny this truth, I start believing man has what it takes to direct his own paths (Proverbs 3:5-6). 

Buying into the belief that I have the wisdom to know which path is best for me denies God's purpose and unknowable plan (Jeremiah 29:11).

Penance.  It seems too easy.  There must be more.  Surely I can't get off Scott-free?  

Forgiveness for sins through faith in Jesus Christ does seem too easy.  Even though Jesus declared atonement finished and salvation secured as He suffered on the cross and gave up His life, I often think there must be some part I must play, a role I am required to fill, or a duty I must carry out (John 19:30).  After all, I think, it's my sin so I must receive some kind of punishment.  Right?  Wrong!

In dying on the cross out of obedience to His Father's plan, Jesus accomplished all that is necessary to cover my sins and usher me into my Father's holy presence (Hebrews 10:19-22).  It was His blood that cleansed me from all unrighteousness (Isaiah 1:18).  Forgiveness is already mine due to what Jesus has done (1 John 1:9).  There is nothing left for me to do but simply believe (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Oswald Chambers explains it this way.  "When I turn to God and by belief accept what God reveals I can accept, instantly the stupendous Atonement of Jesus Christ rushes me into a right relationship with God;  and by the supernatural miracle of God's grace I stand justified, not because I am sorry for my sin, not because I have repented, but because of what Jesus has done."

I often slip into the belief that I must suffer a bit for my sin, that there must be some kind of punishment due me for how I have fallen short, or that I am not worthy to receive forgiveness unless I make some kind of effort to do better.  This mentality leads me to project this lie onto others, refusing them the absolution that is freely theirs through faith in Christ.  Instead, I expect others to try harder, to get their act together, or to be truly sorry for their sin.  Instead, all it takes is simple faith in what Jesus has already done to secure their salvation. 

Buying into the belief that I have to perform some kind of penance in order to receive forgiveness denies the power of Jesus' blood to cover all sin.

It's easy to think my life will be fine as long as I work hard, do what is right, and make up for my sins through selfless service or some other form of penance.  This line of thinking is all wrong, though, as it denies God's sovereign power, His perfect purpose, and the power of Jesus' blood.  When I fall into this fallacy of the formula for a happy life, I'll soon find I'm projecting my faulty expectations on others.  Instead, it is my desire that I let God choose for me, trust in His plan for my life, and fully realize my dependency upon what Jesus has already done.  In these ways I'll walk in true freedom.  

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can trust God fully with my life.

How do I attempt to control certain facets of my life in an effort to follow my own path?

When am I most at risk of thinking I am the captain of my own destiny?

  

True Love

"And the king was deeply moved

and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept.

And as he went, he said,

'O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom!

Would to God I had died for you,

O Absalom, my son, my son!'"

2 Samuel 18:33

You couldn't get much dirtier than that.  The king's son conspired to steal the throne, going so far as to deceive his own father as part of the scheme.  Instead of supporting his dad in his God-given role as leader of the nation of Israel, Absalom became power-hungry, stealing the hearts of the people away from David. (2 Samuel 15-18)

In such a scenario as this, I would expect the father to be angry at his son, thinking of him as an enemy.  David, however, mirrored the heart of God in the way he thought of this conspirator.  If Absalom had been any other man, he would be considered as David's sworn enemy.  Since the conniver was the king's own son, however, David had great compassion and desired mercy for him.  This is the heart of God toward me.

Sworn Enemy

You couldn't get much dirtier than that.  The Maker of heaven and earth who so graciously provided all that I need to live only wanted one thing from me: My heart.  Still, this image-bearer chose to follow my own way, doing what pleased myself and hardly ever thinking about the One who made it all possible.  

Instead of grateful praise, I whine and complain about what I don't like, fretting over all that is difficult.  Instead of a thankful heart, a cold, hard stone grows in its place.  Instead of humble acceptance of my place, I hunger for power and glory.  Nothing infuriates His just nature more.

My unfaithfulness makes me God's sworn enemy.  All the ways I fall short of His glorious standard put me on His "most wanted" list.  I have proved my loyalty to self in the path I choose to follow.  (Colossians 1:21,Romans 5:10)

There are many ways my mouth gives praise to God, extolling His virtues and singing His praises while my actions tell another story.  I say I trust Him to provide for all my needs but I never give Him a chance to supply those necessities, always rushing to draw from my own resources instead.  In my desire to avoid even a moment of want, I am denying my heavenly Father one of His greatest joys. (Matthew 7:9-11)

I tell others that nothing is impossible with God but when the seemingly impossible situation rears it's ugly head in my own life, I panic, letting worry seize my heart.  My refusal to see with eyes of faith reveals the true state of my wayward heart. (Philippians 4:6-7)

I speak words of faith, saying I love Jesus and desire to follow Him.  Unfortunately, I rarely spend time with Him and give Him little cooperation as He attempts to transform my life.  In my desire to retain control of my own life, I deny His lordship and end up working against Him. (Luke 11:23)

My sin makes me an enemy of God.

Grief

It hurt His heart.  The people He had created to walk with Him in the garden had betrayed Him, turning instead to their own ways, preferring the company of each other to His, looking elsewhere to find true satisfaction.  His intention was to enjoy perfect fellowship with His image bearers.  Instead, His heart grieved to see how wayward they truly were. (Genesis 6:5-6)

God mourns the gulf sin carves out between myself and Him.  It hurts His heart to see the ways I prefer my own comfort over the joy that comes from obedience to Him.  He grieves over the loss of intimacy that follows when I allow fear to rule my heart.  He mourns what could have been when He watches me turn away as I approach the unknown, preferring instead to stick with what I know.

In the same way that David grieved the loss of his son Absalom even though he was an enemy, so God's heart hurts over the chasm my sin creates.  Such is His sorrow that He went to great lengths to repair the breach.  Even though He knew it would cause great suffering, His plan of redemption included asking His Son to give up His divinity for a time, taking on human form and experiencing all the suffering known to man. (Philippians 2:6-8)

What a beautiful picture of God's amazing love.  Instead of casting me aside as an ungrateful reject who is unworthy of receiving such a gift, God's love compelled Him to commit the unspeakable act of sacrificing His own innocent Son in my place.  While I deserve death, Jesus did not.  Nonetheless, He died so that I can live.  Once I fully comprehend this love, I will understand more greatly the heart of a God who would grieve His children's sin.   

My sin causes a broken bond that grieves the heart of God.

Sacrifice

The mother stepped between her child and the gunman, shielding the one she loved from harm.  The husband, at great risk to his own life, snatched his wife from the path of the oncoming train, saving her from certain death.  The child took pity on his little puppy, courageously standing up to the stray dog that attacked him.

While it is understandable when a human makes such a sacrifice for a child of her own womb, or for a wife who has been good to her husband, or for a cute dog who is loyal to the end, it is hard to imagine doing such a thing for an enemy.  

This is a picture of the sacrifice Jesus made for me.  While I was still in my sin, Jesus bore the penalty I deserved upon His own shoulders.  Before I even realized the offense of my own flesh to a holy God, Jesus paid the price for these transgressions.  Despite the fact that my sin makes me God's enemy, He paid the ultimate price to set me free from the wages of that sin.  (Romans 6:23, Romans 5:7-8)

Such love, once completely known, casts away all traces of fear. (1 John 4:16-18)  No longer do I need worry that I'm not good enough.  Instead, I can fully embrace the forgiveness that is mine through Christ Jesus.  

The fear of rejection that plagues my heart can be discarded, replaced with a security that comes from knowing I am fully accepted through Jesus as a child of God, given a firm place in His family that includes an eternal inheritance. (1 John 3:1, Romans 8:16-18)

The sacrifice of Christ gives me a bold confidence to approach the throne of grace.  Instead of feeling inadequate or unworthy of such a honor, I can go before the Lord whenever I am in need, knowing that I will receive all that is necessary to carry on.  (Hebrews 4:16)

The love of God is such that He sent His one and only Son to die a sinner's death so I could live abundantly and eternally.

The love David demonstrated for his son Absalom is hard to fathom, especially as I live in such a cold, hard world.  This brand of love, however, mirrors the heart of God.  Even though my sin makes me His sworn enemy, the Lord grieves over the gulf my sin forms between He and I.  In an unspeakable act of love, He made a way to cross this wide chasm by sacrificing His own Son in my place, repairing the bond He cherishes so much.  This is true love.

As I begin this day it is my prayer that I can consider the love the Father lavishes on us.

How do I take such a precious gift for granted?

When am I afraid to step into the presence of God?  

Comfort

"Blessed are those who mourn,
   for they will be comforted."

Matthew 5:4

"Weeping may tarry for the night,
   but joy comes with the morning."

Psalm 30:5 (ESV) 

The pit loomed up in front of her until she could not resist the power of it.  The darkness lured her deeper and deeper in, promising relief from her grief, her sorrow, her guilt.  That's all she wanted: relief.  She didn't want to feel anymore, but wanted to go somewhere safe from the suffering.  This is what the shadows promised, so she let herself sink in, oblivious to the loving Hand that was reaching down to her, offering her real comfort.

No one likes to suffer.  Unfortunately, living in a fallen worlds means we'll experience plenty of it while we're here.  But life with Jesus offers hope. Hope not just for an eternity with Him, but the hope of the comfort of God in times of trouble. 

Blessed

Why would God want me to suffer?  To mourn the loss of a loved one, to grieve over past sin and the hurt it caused others, to lament over physical afflictions far too heavy to bear.  Doesn't He care?

If my happiness and contentment was the purpose for my life, then I would agree that God is a cruel and heartless God to allow all this suffering.  But, as pastor Paul Powell said, "God is more concerned about our character than our comfort. His goal is not to pamper us physically but to perfect us spiritually."

I will never know the blessing of comfort from the very hand of God until I am in the position to need comfort.  Those who have suffered much, have an abundance of compassion to pour out upon others because they themselves have received much from God.  He is, "the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 Corinthians 1:3)

I will never know true comfort until I allow God to ease my pain.  If I choose to wallow in the suffering, sinking into that dark place, out of the Light of His love, my anguish is prolonged.  But if I step into the Light, He will envelope me in His loving arms, taking my burden of pain, grief, sorrow and guilt. 

My load is lightened, and I am blessed by God's touch.

Temporary

God promises that the suffering will not last forever but joy will come in the morning.  This may be a comfort in and of itself.  Sometimes, the worst part of going through a difficult time is thinking that it will never end.  I will always feel this way.  I will never go back to normal.  But this is not of God.  He offers hope.

It reminds me of when I was in the hospital on strict bed rest for 2 months while I was pregnant with my triplet daughters.  I thought the time would never end, especially since I was there for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Even though my heart yearned for home, the doctors assured me that this was temporary and it was for the good of the babies.  I now see the wisdom in their counsel, for the time of confinement paid off with the birth of three beautiful, perfectly formed infants. 

In a similar way, our time of suffering gives birth to character traits that can only be produced through pain. ". . .we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." (Romans 5:3-5) 

This temporary time of sorrow leads to things much greater than I can imagine.

Joy

Joy is not a word I think of in the same thought as grief.  I think of angels rejoicing at the birth of Christ, or the celebration in heaven when one sinner repents.  But I can honor this time of suffering, for it brings about the opportunity to experience the hand of God in my life.  No one else but God can lift me out of the doldrums, rescue me from the pit of despair, or give me the strength to walk from the deep shadows into the Light. 

To come into contact with the One who created me in such an intimate way is indeed a reason to rejoice.  It is the only way that joy can come at the end of suffering; because the mighty Hand of God gently caressed my tender, hurting heart, bringing about a healing not otherwise possible.

The touch of God brought about healing and now I can rejoice!

Suffering is one of life's necessary burdens, but it is not without purpose.  It brings about the blessing of the comfort of God, is only temporary in nature but results in eternal fruit, and gives an opportunity to rejoice at the witness of God's mighty hand in my life.

As I begin this day, it is my prayer that I will not run from God during times of suffering, but allow Him to comfort me in my time of need.

When do I miss out on the blessing of comfort by trying to walk through a trial alone?

How do I focus on only the temporary suffering and thus miss out on the eternal reward?